Thanks Loneleee, sitting by him while he is working would feel like pursuing to me because for almost 20 years I have been telling him "I am sick of looking at the back of your head." Seriously, all he does is work, barely looks up from the computer, and now its the computer, the iPhone, iPad, whatever device. I cannot get this guy's attention. I would be fine sitting with him quietly if he sometimes took a break, or initiated a conversation or an activity. He will stay up until midnight working, works all weekend, just works all of the time.
If he does take a break he works on a house project, something like installing a floor or something big, not something I can easily get in on. If I do initiate "lets go to dinner" or "lets have coffee" he will usually agree and participate happily, but he will not initiate.
Which is what confuses me and hurts me the most about the OW, how the heck did that happen, did she do all of the pursuing and he just went along? I would prefer to believe that, because it hurts to much to think of the reverse.
I think I need to stop thinking of sitting with him in terms of pursuing, because he is asking me for that. I will think of it as giving him what he asked for. In small doses. And you are right, I am not a mind reader. But I am glad he wants my company, just doesn't want to actually speak to me or drink coffee with me. This is so hard.
