Finally asking for help:

[Solo15]

Basic DB'ing could be to try them and see if it brings you the results you want, however my guess is that it won't and you will be back to the basic advice that we give, DETACH, GAL and work on self.

That's basically where I am. I've had a lot of time to unravel everything. My W basically thinks I'm awesome, hot, great friend, good provider, etc. What's missing from her being attracted to me as a mate is how emotionally affected I am by her, and her choices. By doing the standard dose of DETACH, GAL, and work on self, I am just breaking away from the things inside me that cause me to be those things, AND I don't want to be that way. So win/win. If she becomes attracted to me romantically from it then great, but all of this has shined a huge light on my weaknesses, and they are things that have made me really unhappy in my life anyway. Again, thanks for the dose of wisdom, Cadet!

To be clear, I did not say that can't be angry. Anger is a natural stage of this process. It's what you DO with the anger that's important. It's a tricky emotion to control - if you can harness it, you can use it to propel you forward, but, you could also use it to punish your W for her choices - and that won't get you towards your goals.

Really compelling words Azzork. I have so much to learn, but you all are helping me so much to move into the right frame of mind. Thanks so much for taking the time to reach out to me. I'm trying to frame it in my head that I'm giving her her freedom and everything that comes with that. Not out of spite, but out of love. I would not allow my children or even my friends to not deal with the consequences of their choices. I love her, and I want her to be happy, but I can't try and make her happy. I have to lovingly detach and let her experience her choices. Still be there, still be available, but like you said, not at the drop of a hat.