Help for LBH who has a WW (new thread)

[asitis]

I just see a lot of the anger, LBH acting like super H causing further desire for distance, and using nastiness as a means to back the LBH off as similar in a lot of WAW sitches here (including mine) that strike me as more like a WW wo/ the A.

For instance, she loses respect and attraction for H as a man. She is in no mood to even consider the actions of her H as anything she has any interest in considering. It is not that her eye is on OM/OW, but that she just is in pain and running. The pain is in part that deep down she knows she is leaving something she vowed to stick w/ and has been socialized since a young age as seeing this as so important to her identity & her responsibility for maintaining. She wants to be selfish. She wants time away from being W & mother, although she's another socialized no-no that is going to make her feel guilty & angry.

The re-writing history & storytelling, often combined w/ the well-meaning friends, family, & therapist, amp up any anger that is there. And she just feels a visceral aversion to H.

It seems to me that much of the suggestions you make in the case of a WW apply to this kind of WAW. Don't try to prove through being super H that she should return (although address the issues, just don't go overboard or think that this is the path out). Don't think that as long as she is having this revulsion that anything you do will draw her back. You need to change this dynamic by becoming attractive as a man again by the time she starts losing some of the peak of this anger & revulsion. You must not do things which contribute to her losing respect for you as a man.

That can be drawn out of MWD's advice on WAWs, but you focus on that in a way she doesn't that can be good for LBSs of WAWs I think.

Obviously, if there has been abuse (there is almost always some emotional abuse in that people who are close to each other know how to push each other's buttons and sometimes do, and I know that I strayed into this territory more than I realized). That is clearly a different case, & there is only one thing for the LBH to do in that case: get help for their abusive behavior immediately and stick w/ it. Not because it will save their M, but because it is causing everyone to suffer greatly and might land him in jail at some point.

Anyway, I know I have gained some helpful insights in my own case despite my W being WA rather than W. Wish I had learned them earlier, but we are where we are. So, even us LBHs of WAWs are gaining a lot from following these threads.