where you think the difference is in how to act w/ a WAW vs. a WW.
MWD has not made such a distinction in her book. I think I've even said that the difference I've noticed while being on the board, is that the WAW may have a legit reason for leaving, such as Vanilla. However, there are some women who just want out the M, and it's not b/c of anything really awful, and it's not b/c they are wayward. Let me try to explain how I see it.
First of all, I understand what V is saying, b/c she comes from an abusive stitch. I cannot speak first hand of what it would take in such a case. I would think the approach would certainly be more delicate and the LBH would have to be the one proving that his actions matched with words of sincerity & promise, etc., for a credible length of time......which would be decided by his W. Whatever it took for her to feel safe and loved, that's what he'd need to do. I'll leave that part in Vanilla's hands.
It's been said that when you have a S in MLC, you still do the same BD work as you would if they were a WAS. However, I've also seen those who have experienced MLC say that there are a few differences in how to "work" it. I think that's why everyone's stitch is unique and we have to do whatever works for us.
I believe there are a lot of WAW's out there who simply get fed up from years of living in a lousy situation that has become their life. They have needs that have not been met for a long time. They want to escape, or a new start, or they're depressed & sad and looking for some way to be happy again........there are various reasons for a woman to leave a M. Some may have a very good reason (abuse, addiction, prison, etc.) while others may not be seen as a "good enough" reason to leave. The point is that some WAW's just want out of the M, but they aren't living a wayward lifestyle or displaying the usual wayward behaviors. If there is no abuse, desertion, addiction, or endangerment of some type.....and the W leaves I believe the LBH can follow MWD's general advice about the WAW. (Note, MWD has not made such a distinction between the WW/WAW). I believe he can follow the 37 guide lines, the LRT, the last resort after the LRT.....which is "going dark".
To me, the main difference I see in the strategies, or approaches, are that with a wayward wife the H has to apply a tougher love and hold firm boundaries that will withstand her manipulation, disrespect, selfishness, and terrible behavior. He has to be tougher than his WW. Her character changes into someone he doesn't recognize, and she will chew him up alive....then spit him out, to get what she wants at that moment. If that doesn't require tough love, I don't know what does.
Clear as mud?
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
