have i been making mistaked too long. part 2

[dwh15]

Wow man. Your W is sounding more like mine all the time. Except mine doesn't say she hates me, at least not to my face. She's all about trying to be BFFs, but I think that's to help her guilt, plus use it to get favors out of me.

My WW also started up with the drinking and pot smoking a few years ago. Had never been into her whole life but somewhere around late 30s she became a party girl. Started spending more and more time away from home, and I let her, because I was trying to let her work it out of her system. Like most people, I went through my party phase in my 20s during college, but my W was young when we started dating and never got to experience it. So I figured I would give her some freedom, let her experience it for a year or two, and it would pass. Oh, how wrong I was. I should have laid down the law and forced a decision a long time ago, and probably could have prevented this whole issue. 20-20 hindsight.

Also, like you, I've been the sole bread winner for most of our time together. I was fine with it, as she was a very good mother, and while we had young kids, it seemed appropriate. But after our youngest turned 3, and she wasn't really needed as a mom 24-7 anymore, that's when she started to change. As much as I kept asking her to get a job, there was always some excuse. And in the mean time, she was living it up on my dime. I get so mad thinking about it. All I can say is that, in my case at least, that is an area where I have some control.

My W finally get a job late last year, but only part time min wage. After she left, I had been giving her money to help pay the bills, but then realized that I was a fool, and enabling her. I've since cut off all financial help, and know that she is having a very hard time making ends meet. The OM only makes $10/hour so between them, I'm not sure how they are getting by paying rent, utilities, etc. She certainly isn't living up the party lifestyle anymore. Can't even afford to feed the kids when they come to visit; I have to give them dinner first. Consequences. Your W will have them too, and I suggest you enforce them wherever possible. Make her feel what it's going to be like w/o you in her life.