New post (was MLC w/EA possible PA) and confused.

[cat04]

Where to start...

Nope, not your business although i remember feeling that way too.

He is a person. An individual. You dont own him. You married him with the hope and belief that you would share things. Those vows uniting you, did not remove either of your individuality or your rights to privacy.

I would love for my partner to share everything with me. Guess what, sometimes he forgets, sometimes he feels its unimportant, sometimes he feels he handled something and there is no need to "report" on it. Some stuff, is simply his and he will pr wont share when he is ready.

My acceptance of that fact, shows him that I trust him, his judgement, and that I respect him. Believe me, when he does share, i can and do ask a million questions some of which get answered, some dont.

You arent ready to trust him. I'm not saying you dont want to try, but you arent ready to actually do it yet. And that is ok.
all of this happens in phases.

At first not snooping, not knowing, is going to drive you crazy. Then it will bother you less to not know. Then it wont bother you at all. And then you will be ready to rebuild trust.

My bomb was in 2007. My X started to realize it wasnt all me, as far as he told me, about 2 years ago. Might have been a but sooner but not much. Sorry I dont have a better more encouraging answer there.

Personally, if I were to go through this again, I would do much differently.

I would stop trying to fix the M, and i would begin working on me much faster than i did. I wiuld have detatched sooner. I would have focused on making myself the best version of me that I wanted to be for me and no one else much sooner.

For you...let go of the judgement. Let go of the blame. Let go of the anger. Find something that brings you joy and happiness.

A happy person is much nicer to be around, to talk to, to feel close to, than an unhappy one.

Maybe some9ne else can give you a more literal idea of where to start.