Too angry right now

[ohgosh]

Also staying with her in whatever she wants to talk about and in tough emotions is a 180 for me as I always had a hard time being with her and listening to her in her emotional times.

She also sent me some texts which showed insight into how she blames for "wasting 6 years of her time" since she wants to raise a family, it hurts me because I want that with her as well.

Overall I'm just disheartened by the cold logic she uses to say she is 100% certain she wants to leave me but her heart obviously says no.

Help.

[ohgosh]

And lastly, once we stop building this flat together at the end of this week, we will have some much needed space to digest. I'll maintain my LRT of not initiating contact, and working on myself.

I truly hope that by this she will digest some things on her own and be drawn back to me, however I am not very confident at this stage as it seems her made is very made up but her heart is in pain about it.

Part of me also thinks that I may be happier with someone else who understands me better and is not so emotionally reactive, a lot of the times I feel like I am her dad in many ways, a very co-dependent relationship.

[Cristy]

Hello ohgosh,

I'm so sorry for the situation you are in.

It is easy to be conflicted when you have so many emotions and thoughts going through your head!

It would be extremely helpful to know what your next move should be. Please call me to discuss our program at 303-444-7004.


Cristy
Resource Coordinator
The Divorce Busting Center
303-444-7004

[ohgosh]

After our meeting she sent me several texts apologising for some of her anger outbursts and hurtful things. I said I forgive.
She said she loved me and wanted me to be happy, find what makes me happy and move on.

I replied saying that I know who I am and what I am, and accept myself completely. I'm sorry that she cannot accept me as I am as her partner, and do not wish to give up on our partnership and dreams together, however I love her enough to respect her decision because trying to convince her otherwise will kill me, and so I want to respect what she wants.

She didnt reply..

I slept in our home last night and she at the new flat, woke up at 3am sobbing deeply like I never cried before over the loss of my home. I just feel like home here with my dog and in my bed. Dont know where I'll go next after next week.

Just constantly hoping she will change her mind and realise we have a future together, however at some points I realise I may be happier without her and I'm just addicted.

[ohgosh]

And lastly, I feel fortunate that she expressed insight into the fact she is acting out of deep anger blinding her, she expressed it in this way in her messages:
I know I just want to hurt you for "what you did to me", and that its not right, and thats not who I want to be.

I am fortunate that she is able to see beyond her fog at times, but the biggest hurt from this last conversation was the conviction she seemed to express her desire to not be with me, there was no hesitation at all in her words, though her actions said otherwise.

I don't know what will happen after this week - will she contact me? will she want to see me? I'm going to try hard and not initiate anything.

[Cadet]

I am fortunate that she is able to see beyond her fog at times, but the biggest hurt from this last conversation was the conviction she seemed to express her desire to not be with me, there was no hesitation at all in her words, though her actions said otherwise.

And you believe every thing she says as the truth?

[Cadet]

Just keep POSTING and one other bit of advice from Wonka
that I totally agree with.

Get DR/DB book. Keep this to yourself. DO NOT share this book or this site at all with your spouse. It is your playbook and not to be shared with the "opposing" team.

It is important to clear the search/browsing history from your computer on a daily basis to prevent the possibility for your WAS to stumble on the DB site and discover your posts here on DB. Erasing the search history will protect your posts and you as well.

We have seen too many Marriages blow up in pieces after the WAS discovers the DB site or DR book. Why is that? It is because the WAS thinks, erroneously I might add, that you are "manipulating" them back into the M.

Keep the DR book and DB site very close to your vest.

[ohgosh]

Thanks guys
There's no way she'll find out about this place we live separately now and I have my own laptop. We're 3 weeks into this thing.

[asitis]

You did fine, so take my thoughts as fine tuning rather than that you made some kind of horrible mistake.

After our meeting she sent me several texts apologising for some of her anger outbursts and hurtful things. I said I forgive.

Good. Better, "I understand how you are feeling, and I thought about what you said and can see why you are feeling that way. I appreciate you apologizing though. Thanks.


She said she loved me and wanted me to be happy, find what makes me happy and move on.
[/quote]
That's a no response statement. Leave her wondering. Nothing you say will really help here. See how she didn't reply to you. And just as she doesn't reply to everything you say, nothing says you need to reply to everything she says. Learn to ask whether or not I should reply? If so, why do I think so. If it is to show here what a good H I am, don't.


It is tough. And it will continue to be tough. That's why GAL and detachment are so important. Learning not to react to her or always feel the need to respond to her are also hard, but necessary tasks.

Hang in there.

[ohgosh]

Thank you.
She is reaching out a lot today about the flat stuff whereas she said she wants us to stop texting all the time.

Trying to respond and not ignore out of anger, but not immediately as I'm actually doing things today - looking to start my own company which she already started asking me about.

Thinking about finding a place to live is very stressful for me as it materialises this separation more.

All my stuff is still there. Trying to take it one day at a time.