1) you can't hinge everything you DO on everything she SAYS. So she says she hates you....That's what she's feeling right now. That doesn't mean she always has or always will hate you. She blames you for her unhappiness so of course she hates you right now. You say she's going up and down and around - why are you hanging on and doing it with her? As Toots said once, be the rock amidst her crashing waves.
2) you have to stop involving HER friends. All it does is create a strenuous relationship between her and her friends and she will blame YOU for it. She will feel cornered and alone, and that's not what you want, I think.
3) lose the fear of talking to a L. You NEED to protect yourself. SHE KIDNAPPED YOUR CHILDREN. I'm pretty sure she can't forbid you from seeing them. In my opinion there is no problem with taking this step, and frankly, I think you should have done it weeks ago. But, now that you're here, I think you should contact them regardless of her response.
