Thanks for the encouragement Asitis , this board has been a God send for me. My support network is great , but emotionally I'm beat up, they help tremendously (family and friends) but inside I still suffer , she abandoned me and 7 years and although GAL and detachment has kept me sane , my thoughts are always on her .
She's shown nothing to give me hope even though three months is such a short time , I don't see her ever coming back and it hurts me
Last edited by Aj8; 08/11/1502:34 AM.
Me:35 W:30 7 years together 11 months married No children W Left me-moved to her moms: June 2015 W filed for D: July 2015
She's shown nothing to give me hope even though three months is such a short time , I don't see her ever coming back and it hurts me
Yes, it hurts...terribly. But 3 months is a drop in the bucket for a sitch like this. Think I read recently that 9 months is about the quickest you can expect any kind of turnaround and the average is closer to almost 2 years, IF it happens at all. You need to focus on detachment, and yourself for now. The future is unknown, but don't expect anything to change for quite a while. It probably took years to get to this point, so expect it to take at least a few months to start digging out. One day at a time.
Me 47 W 42 T 24 yrs M 18 yrs W living with OM BD1: 3/7/2015 (A with OM#1) BD2: 4/11/2015 (A with OM#2, W moves out) WW filed for D, papers received 9/18/2015. Meeting to determine child custody 9/29/2015.
I’m just swinging by to let you know you are in my thoughts and prayers.
I liked DWH's post -- very good!
Hang in there...you will make it.
Bob
Me:55 yrs/W:51 yrs (has MS) M:14 yrs T:15 yrs No children together--3 each from previous marriages Wife Moved Out: 10/19/14 Wife Filed for Divorce: 10/20/14 Divorce Final: 10/21/15
I feel for you, Aj. It's horrible to watch this all unfolding in front of you. You feel powerless to stop it. I have also had a difficult time detaching, but some things have helped. I hope that you can find something to help you as well. Here are the things that have helped me.
I started seeing a therapist.
I found a friend who would simply support me, not tell me things like you deserve better, blah, blah. He is completely behind my decision to stand for my marriage.
When things are really tough for me, I reach out to my friend.
I came to the realization that if I truly respected my wife, that I had to respect her need for space. (This realization helped me a lot, before this I was convinced I could find some magic bullet that would fix everything.)
If none of this helps you, actively look for something that does. I have found that staying busy helps me a lot. I needed other coping mechanisms for those times when I was all alone in my head.
Good luck, Aj and God bless you.
M: 38 W: 37 T: 20 M: 19 Kids: Stepson?20, S19, S16, D12 BD: 02/19/2015 (She moved out) PA Confirmed: 02/22/2015 (She is now living with OM) Dazed and confused: 09/13/2015
Early on I called a friend and was blessed to have him say, "Call me day or night, I'll leave my phone on. You can just talk, or just cry, or do whatever the hell you need to. You can call me back 10 minutes after we talk if you're not OK again. Doesn't matter."
You truly find out who your brothers are during this period. I did for sure.
Sounds like you're making the best and highest quality decisions in the most challenging of times.
Stay strong AJ8, you have no idea how this will end up playing out. It may be dark now, and yes, it may stay that way, be we truly never know.
Stay strong.
PP
M 39 W 36 T5 M3 BD - 1/15 Separated - Same Day Served 9/15 D finalized 6/17
God bless you too late30s , my support system is great but I just think about her and all our years together constantly. It's so hard but I'm taking steps forward even though I take steps back too
Me:35 W:30 7 years together 11 months married No children W Left me-moved to her moms: June 2015 W filed for D: July 2015
So I'm at work as she's moving out and taking the cats . I left her the letter , I thought I wouldn't even get a response nor did i expect her to come back or have a change of heart . It was my goodbye and it seems her goodbye as well: she texted me this:
I saw your note. I don't know what to say. I was pushed to a point of no return. I'm depressed, hurt, and I want to move forward with my life. I can't look back anymore. We have different paths and life choices. Our interests have always been different, and I always felt like I needed to walk on eggshells with you because you constantly threw my past in my face, and I never felt like I was good enough. You're right, God gives us these trials and tribulations for a reason. When I realized I'd be happier alone, I knew it was time to walk away. I almost failed out of school with you putting me down, and I had been shut out and not shown any affection for years. I cracked. I'm sorry it ended like this. I won't be contacting you after this. And I'm glad you're moving on with your life as well.
Last edited by Aj8; 08/11/1504:33 PM.
Me:35 W:30 7 years together 11 months married No children W Left me-moved to her moms: June 2015 W filed for D: July 2015
I hope you got what you were looking for out of this.
When I read her writing, I see a sad, scared, beaten down person. But I see a lot of anger and resentment as well. I believe you read her absence as indifference, and that is NOT what I read. If your goal was to reconcile, I believe this got you farther away.
But what's done is done. My advice going forward is to truly drop the rope. Fall off the face of her Earth. Keep working on you and you never know what may come.
