Posting here to try to hold myself accountable. I'm torturing myself on a number of fronts and wanted a place to lay out some thoughts.
1-- i have financial fear, big time. we have a meeting scheduled to start figuring out the financial settlement. i'm scared. the real estate market here is crazy. if i can't stay in my home, i don't know where i'll end up. that is my biggest fear-- and I have so much anger and resentment that my child and I are in this situation.
2-- i don't want him back. i don't find him attractive. i realize more and more that i am happier now in many many ways, that there was so much missing for me in our M. And at the same time, i still hate being here so much. I hate being alone. I hate having to co-parent with him. i hate being reminded of what i used to have, of the dreams I used to have, and how it all blew up. I hate thinking about him being with this younger woman who I had always suspected he had feelings for.
3--I hate that it still bothers me. i hate that I'm still having trouble moving on.
