Newbie needing support and advice

[ep0215]

I had the pick-up of S4 all planned out in my head. I was going to be cool and breezy, ask how his work was going since he had mentioned getting to do more responsibilities, etc. last time we talked. Didn't quite go as planned...I did stay cool and calm though

I will paraphrase most of the convo. I did ask about work and he filled me in a little and I was excited for him and validated his enthusiasm. Then right on que he states that he will be keeping him until Thursday night. Remember from earlier posts that he does this every other week even though that is not the schedule we created but the one he wanted.

H: Your text said yes to those days and when I called you that is what you said

M: No the text agreed with your pick-up time for tonight and I said Tuesday and Thursday also. I can see how the confusion can be really frustrating.

H: I am frustrated! You keep changing things and now you want to re-do the schedule for when school starts. Two days a week doesn't work for me.

M: I can see that you are upset. Just to be clear I proposed one option and even though it is 2 overnights it is actually 4 days a week.

H: Well those times don't work with my schedule and it isn't good enough for me

M: Is this about what works for you or what is best for S? This is what divorce does to families.
(I am super calm and collected. You can see the anger come across his face that I am not backing down)
Pause
M: Those were just my ideas for the school year. It is really important to me that he have as much continuity and stability as possible during the school week. Are we on the same page on that?

H: yes we are but I just got my schedule set with work and now it is changing again

M: Your work schedule doesn't have to change that is why Dr. C (mediator) wanted you to bring ideas. I am sure we will nail down a schedule on Tuesday.

H: I can't be
(I honestly think he does not know how to see a way out of this problem and wants the way he wants it and that is that)

At that point I drank a STFU smoothie and was done with the conversation. This clearly has to be resolved with a mediator and not just the two of us. I let him know that if the extra night this week was really important to him then I would be happy to give that to him. Kissed S good-bye and told him good night.

so did I mess up? I thought I did pretty good just validating and truth darting him. Part of me thinks the giving in was the 'nice guy' thing us LBS do.

I am not sure if this will set me back but part of doesn't care anymore because I stood up for what I think is best for our son and not just what is easy. At this point that is the only thing that matters to me anymore.