My story - W was with OW

[Shuley]

Okay. Update time. I did go to the annual Yosemite group trip with wife and son. This year was a smaller group, only 4 families, which made it a little more difficult as larger groups tend to offer more time to be apart and bond with others.

All in all the trip went very well. It was good that a close friend of W's arrived without her a-hole husband, and she complained and struggled to set up camp, watch the kids, cook, etc. etc. My W made a comment about how much harder it is for one parent to do this trip (one of the reasons I wasn't going to go was for her to realize this first hand).

I tried to stay cheerful and generally detached the whole time. It was VERY difficult. This is where W and I honeymooned and it is a very romantic place. We did spend quite a bit of time alone together, more than I planned. But it was all pleasant. I would say I was about 70% successful staying detached, not showing affection and not starting R talk. I'm getting a little better at this every day. However, there were certain moments I became overcome with emotion - This could likely be my last year on this group trip and that is very hard to swallow. It's been 8 years in a row we've gone and I look forward to it all year. My W and I have so many memories of Yosemite together. A couple of times, including once in the middle of the night, I just wondered off by myself to have a good cry.

Though separated, we were "forced" to sleep in the same bed in our "cabin". The first night, we simply slept beside one another. As the week progressed, i found her more and more affectionate and spooning me. On day 4 we did a very long strenuous hike that took 6 hours. It was beautiful, she was beautiful. It was one of my favorite days ever in the park. It was like it used to be. Alas, night 4 we ended up having sex (when all the kids were roaming the campground). The next day when we were alone, even though I was trying not to start any talking, I knew what I wanted to say. I told her I was disappointed in myself for allowing that to happen and that there would be no pressure from me to do it again. Her reaction was "what are you talking about? I wanted to do it. It was great." I don't know what to think now. I want to be overjoyed that there is still a wanting from her, but I am very wary of what reality is going on and not getting ahead of myself. I know we were both caught up in the romance and memories of this magical place.

For the most part, I gave her space, let her do her own thing even when around each other. She would put her arm around me a little, and gave me a few hugs/kisses here and there. Sure, maybe I would put myself in her path to see what she would do, but she was sweet with me. No fights, some tears, but generally a fragile, yet pleasant week.

Last night, after we got home, she said she wanted to start sleeping in the MB again. I didn't know what to say. I think it might be too soon, but I don't want to reject her if she is indeed feeling this way. So, I told her "It's a big house, you are welcome to sleep here or another room if you need space." I know that being back to reality is going to change things, maybe she is still on a high from Yosemite - in fact that is likely.

So, from here on I am just going to continue to give her space, detach and continue to GAL. I'm exercising a lot, trying to hook up with friends and being sweet, but non-affectionate with her. I set up a meetup profile and look to get out and meet new people (not singles events, just social events).

I was on the phone with my wife today and something came up about finances (related to my son's college fund). I told her that I would continue to contribute to it regardless and I hoped she would too if we split up. She said "I'm not worried about it, I think we will be fine." My heart lept, but I kept my cool and said "I've got another call, I'll talk to you later." and made sure to hang up first.

Man this is hard and I suck at it, but I 1005 get why I need to stick to it. It is helping us, but specifically helping me. I believe I will be okay, and she can sense it.