Sitting and Spinning

[asitis]

Abuse can happen in any relationship. Lesbian Rs are not immune. And some of what you said, does strike me as potentially abusive if it is a pattern. You implied it was, which caused my wanting more info.

I'm glad you clarified, although I'm not sure whether or not their was a pattern of abuse. But it is good that there are some truly redeeming qualities and that this isn't just wishful thinking of an abuse victim.

You've always struck me as a wonderful, caring, understanding S and person, who has handled your sitch with skill. If you see potential for your M despite her problematic behavior that she seems to not see as a problem, I'm not sure pushing things along is the best path. The reason is that you need to wait for the A to fizzle and then see if there is anything there to work with. Until that point, pushing to a conclusion seems to be a recipe for pushing her into making a decision before the reality that the grass isn't greener.

That said, I think giving her more of Heavy getting on with her life and being a bit cooler, less accommodating, and with stronger boundaries could be very useful at this point given what you've said.