new here

[Vanilla]

IMO ... (disclaimer coming) and I'm new here and have been honest and upfront that i'm not always doing exactly text book DB but i'm trying what portions i think pertain to my situation and trying tid bits here and there. Read my posts and you will see i have talked about "Making Coffee" or having SR with my spouse on here a little.

We have still been seeing each other on and off since April when he moved out. I too worried how "Making Coffee" would make me feel after knowing that the time together after would never be long enough for me. However I find that I am not a wreck after. i am peaceful, happy, and satisfied.

I struggle with the fact that prior to separation i had been trying to do things better where he was concerned knowing that i often had neglected that part of our marriage because many of my needs were not being met. He had an affair / having an affair and i own my responsibility in the demise of of our marriage.

I struggle because before I found DB I had figured I had nothing to lose and everything to gain by changing my habits. before learning of 180 i had become more aggressive with asking for what i wanted, changed my wardrobe some, wore sexy nighties, thongs and started texting him flirty messages and sending sexy pictures etc. I got his attention back big time.

NOW I come here and learn about the 180's and figure i cant change that again can I ? or does that seem like it was just a temporary move to get him back... Im actually enjoying the changes myself because it is what I actually wanted as well i just couldn't express my needs well enough for him to understand and vise versa for him.

Im not sure what your sit are like FOGG or ASITIS but i wanted to share that you maybe able to "make coffee" with your spouses and still walk away feeling confidant, happy and refreshed. I know I do and i often wonder what he is thinking after because not once have I cried or even stayed for a cuddle after or spent the night with him since. I take him and leave him just like a man would do.. oops that wasn't nice to say... i take him and leave him just like a strong willed, confidant, sexy woman who's enjoying it for what it's worth.

Im hoping that he is left wondering where my emotions are at. but I wont ask.. not gonna do it.

I posted this to your thread because my attitude was very like yours. If it's working for you, making you feel good then it's ok in my book. There is one thing about WH and I, we enjoyed cappuccino and the drinking of it I will never regret that. If I had my time over I would insist on a lid on the cup and to realise it was a paper cup to recycle.

Remember caffeine is very addictive so limit the cups, and occasionally detox and have a glass of water and an early night. Leave the barista wanting for more, visit the coffee shop on your terms. Add a splash of Vanilla Syrup too, liberal dash of spirit.

It isn't chasing, it's getting coffee with cream and sugar, on your terms.

When it's not for you, have tea instead. There are ways of preparing your own brew.

One caveat, take care of your sexual health and no expectations.

V