Newbie needing support and advice

[Vanilla]

The only way to measure is it working is over time and in how you judge things.

Find a measure and measure it. And track it.

At one stage my WH was having three or four rants a day. So I decided to try different strategies to see what happened, starting with a 180. I no longer "screaming banshee" merely STFU and walked away. Initially this shocked WH and it worked, he didn't know what to do, then he started following me even to the toilet. So I recorded it, it stopped. We went from 4 rants a day to a couple a week, and he did these in front of others. In the end he just seethed and did idiotic passive aggressive stuff. Every once in a while he would blow and I split. He learned if he did this I would leave, so it started late at night or if I had a drink and couldn't drive. I stopped drinking and still left. I adjusted my 180 strategy and ended up with a rant a month.

Another one was if I wanted WH to buy groceries, I attaboy like crazy each time. That worked too. The measure was how many times WH got groceries.

WH complained he didn't get the food he wanted, I asked for a list and stuck to it for his stuff. Whereas before I thought I do the shopping, I will choose what I think would please him, I am not making WH happy. What a terrible W I am. The list worked, if he wanted it amended he amended it. The complaints stopped. His happiness on this issue is down to him. The measure the number of complaints.

V