Hi Jay, if you'll stick with us, I believe the board can help you. If you haven't read Divorce Remedy, please do so ASAP.
You, your W, and the OM/Neighbor are trying to do something that doesn't work. That being, to continue on as though nothing has happened. She cannot work for this man. Once those words of desire are out there...it opens a doorway. I bet if OM's W knew what was said between them, she would not be willing for your W to continue working for him.
Some H's don't see an EA being serious, or as serious as a PA. For women, and affair of the heart is very strong. This OM knows how to slowly work in those words to make your W feel flattered. You may be surprised as to where that flattery can lead.
When OM said he may have to move, it would have been better if you told him that you agreed. However, you showed him that you wanted your W to continue to be around him.....professionally. He has already proven that he is not a man of much character, right? You cannot trust him, or her, to act as though nothing was said between them.
I'm sure she was embarrassed and feels badly about the whole incident. Did you realize that EA's are addictive? I didn't know it, until I had an EA of my own.
Even before I decided to end it, I discovered the strong pull......but put it down as being attraction. Like your W, I really didn't find the OM to that physically good looking, but there was something that did attract me to him. When I decided to end things, I experienced just how addictive these EA's can be. The urge to contact him, see him, hear from him, see his picture.....anything.....is better than going this route, or so it feels at the time. It has been compared to drug addiction.
Although your W feels badly right now, you both are making a huge mistake by thinking further contact with her and OM will not lead to more involvement. She's already addicted to TM him, and I'm pretty sure she's going to discover it immediately.
I am so sorry this has happened in your M. Things can be turned around, but it will call for her complete separation from the neighbors, even the OM's W.
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
