I then asked her how she was doing she started to sob, she said she misses the kids when theyre not with her and that its really hard at work having to work OT to try and drop the kids off at school etc.
What a perfect opportunity to validate her feelings!! She opened up to you, that's pretty huge.
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I gave her a hug and told her she is a strong woman,
Good start but...
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I advised her to go to church as it is helping me out a lot
UGH!!! DON'T TRY TO FIX HER PROBLEMS!!!! We guys, it is so darned hard to break out of fix-it mode. But you've got to if you want her to keep opening up her feelings to you. NO ADVICE. Validate her feelings, nothing more. Don't explain/ reason/ negotiate/ agree/ disagree/ fix/ give advice.
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she then told me " you act as if I'm doing something bad or that I did this myself"
Predictable reaction to your comment.
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I didn't respond although I wanted to say "this was your choice!!!" I didn't say anything, wonder if I should have.
Well thank goodness you didn't say that! Because as far as she is concerned, it's YOUR fault and she did NOT have a choice, she was FORCED into it because of how you treated her. Right or wrong, that's how she feels, and right now this is all about her feelings, not yours. Try to remember how she's feeling and respect that. I know, you're saying "what about me??" That's why you come here, WE sympathize with you because you're not going to get that from her
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Anyhow, my question is I think she is going to try and have the kids walk to my house after school since their school is really close and her new apartment is 10 miles away. Should I oblige if she were to ask, that means she would pick them up from my house every day, I would see her everyday...
Absolutely. Kids are number one, whatever you can do to have more time with them and to lessen the impact on them the better. I did the exact same thing with my younger two kids- they came to my house after school every day even on the weeks my W had them so that they could ride the bus. Plus I leave work earlier than she does, so it gave them more supervised time than if they went straight to her house. My middle daughter is starting college next year, but 3 years post separation and we're still following this same routine with S12.
