Do you mean lbs as being mr/ms nice guy and getting trampled upon? The WAS analogy being the nice guy does not make sense.
Please confirm LBS or WAW being mr nice guy.
Sorry... I did type WAS .. meant LBS
The LBS being the "Nice Guy" ......reading around here there certainly seems to be the common trend that the LBS's are typically the 'nice' ones .. hence the urge to pursue, beg, plead and NICE the WAS back into the M.
I think it all boils down to a lack of respect ... this seems to have eroded over time ... certainly was the case in my M looking back.
Me:55 yrs/W:51 yrs (has MS) M:14 yrs T:15 yrs No children together--3 each from previous marriages Wife Moved Out: 10/19/14 Wife Filed for Divorce: 10/20/14 Divorce Final: 10/21/15
Question - it spouse was sincere about being friends then they would stop the affair - is that not right?? If they refuse to end the affair then there is no friendship possible - correct?
How can a friendship phase happen during the affair otherwise it is manipulation and cake eating - correct?
I'll be ready to be friends when I don't consider it an affair anymore.
At some point I will have moved on from this R and no longer want my W. Once I reach that stage, I can possibly be open to being friends again. That doesn't mean I WILL be friends with her, just that I COULD be friends with her.
WW sees 'friends' as an alternate way of relating to you, it isn't cake as she doesn't want R, from your writing she isn't trying to act as your W and be another's gf at the same time.
Can you see 'friendly' as opposed to friends? If not agreeable on as many things as possible? Would make life easier to co parent. You can limit your stance to that aspect.
That way you are not in the 'Friend' box and standing for a new M can continue.
V
Last edited by Vanilla; 08/10/1510:35 PM.
Freedom is just another word for nothing left to loose. V 64, WAW
Abuse can happen in any relationship. Lesbian Rs are not immune. And some of what you said, does strike me as potentially abusive if it is a pattern. You implied it was, which caused my wanting more info.
I'm glad you clarified, although I'm not sure whether or not their was a pattern of abuse. But it is good that there are some truly redeeming qualities and that this isn't just wishful thinking of an abuse victim.
You've always struck me as a wonderful, caring, understanding S and person, who has handled your sitch with skill. If you see potential for your M despite her problematic behavior that she seems to not see as a problem, I'm not sure pushing things along is the best path. The reason is that you need to wait for the A to fizzle and then see if there is anything there to work with. Until that point, pushing to a conclusion seems to be a recipe for pushing her into making a decision before the reality that the grass isn't greener.
That said, I think giving her more of Heavy getting on with her life and being a bit cooler, less accommodating, and with stronger boundaries could be very useful at this point given what you've said.
Me: 50 W:43 S6, S3 M: 12 yrs. T: 17 M is bad & Not happy Bomb Mar '14 S 5 Feb '15 D Bomb 13 Apr '15 (but "no hurry") DB Coach May '15 Wants proceed on D Aug '15 Starting 1-on-1 negotiations Sept '15
