Seems to me there is a trend here at times. The WAS typically seems to be the peace-keeper and I have noticed a good number of us have been 'to nice' ... conflict avoiders, etc ... for me I was Mr NiceGuy and did not see W and how she treated me as abuse .. I chalked it up to her culture and she was jus t'that way'
Looking back I realized now how bad that was for my M. how she lost all respect for me as a man ... now with your case, as well as Diff.. I still think there is that respect element .. once they lose it for us its really an uphill battle to get it back, first for us to rebuild ourselves and self esteem (which is a whole other topic after an A) but even another hill for them to start respecting the changes we've made stick, for them to trust it .. and finally for them to shake old behaviors and learn to consistently respect us. I have entered this final part with W, I have to kindly and firmly call her on her chit where before during the DB phase I would just place a boundary and if violated I would hang up/walk.
Does look like you are arriving at that point in this where you need to do what is good for Heavy. As Cadet points out, we have the power here but fail to realize it till we do get to this point. Only you know when its time .... when I hit this point I could have pushed and filed but I realized my life would be the same M or not at that point. So I told myself ... stay the course and maybe when/if I met someone and seen potential I would file ... but till then I remained to be M, and lived that way while I worked on myself.
