Oof - Cali, that is some tough stuff and as others have said - you are doing really well and I think your interaction with W was productive. This stuff is 'flashback', and there are elements of PSTD and re-living the nightmare. Brings it all rushing back I'm sure..
You re-experience the feelings of violation. Of having OM in that space and so on. Painful stuff. It is good that you talked out assumptions that were happening on your W's part too. Stuff like this is why piecing is so hard I think. With DBing you can detach and not have to re-experience these horrible things. In piecing you do. But I guess it is only by facing them, talking them through and moving forward lovingly - slowly re-establishing that trust - that you can heal together.
I too found the box of condoms - before BD, but mine only had one missing LOL!!
Just keep taking it slow and be authentic. Take the good moments when they come. Deal with the painful ones. Keep knowing that you will truly be fine, whichever way....
I'm so glad to know you on these boards Cali - you're a great guy - and I do think your W truly realises what she almost lost.
Take care xx
Thank you Toots for your insight and your kind words ... and yeah ... you nailed it. Its one thing to deal and process the hurt and anger that bubbles up from the A ... I know while DBing for me that was put in a box so I could focus on me, my contributions to the failed M and all that ... now at this point I am trying to get through this on my time line in my way and when that incident was just as you described ...a flashback and that bow was opened up on me completely against my will. (More on this incident in the next update)
