Answer to: "why didn't you hear it from ME?"

[Flight]

I sometimes have trouble keeping balance standing on the shifting sands of her moods and arguments. I am getting a handle on one thing and then she is throwing me off balance with another. For example, while the common theme is all the things I didn't do in our marriage ("name one thing you did to show you loved me", she brings up strange things she never mentioned before; "I never enjoyed going out with that couple. It made me uncomfortable", "I always faked having fun doing X", "We always did what you wanted to do, why didn't you do what I wanted to do?"

I suppose this falls under rewriting history because I want to say, "but I thought those WERE the things you wanted to do" and "why didn't you metion anything in 10 years until now?". But I see this as maybe an exaggerated view and grasping at anything to fit the picture of how bad the marriage was on every level. I feel I kept asking and trying to do everything I could and it was never enough. I have learned not to defend myself because I can't with this. "But I cooked the food you loved!" "Yes, but you would only eat a few spoonfuls of it". "Ok, how about me going to dinner with YOUR friends?", "Yes, but I couldn't enjoy it because I had to wonder the whole time if you were having fun or not". So for now I just try to validate this is the way she feels.