Lost, alone, and in pain

[HurtHus]

Another good day today I think. We took our time getting up, hung out on our new deck for a bit with my folks. Ended up just hanging out most of the day. We had some really good authentic laughs a few times and it was nice to just have fun.

We ended up hanging out in the hot tub for a while (her suggestion Sandi!) with a glass of wine. While we were drying off we chit chatted. I took a risk and wanted to do a 180. We are both VERY conflict averse. I asked her what I had done over the last week that disappointed, annoyed, or bothered her. She said "I know you weren't trying to cause a problem, but this morning when you were talking about how I didn't seem uncomfortable around your folks and hoped I would be fine with mine, I asked you to just back off and let it go and you didn't." I validated her and said I understand that must have been frustrating for you. Please in the future make sure you call me out on that right away. I don't mean to push, I am sometimes just trying to make sure you know I appreciate what you are doing and that I understand how you're feeling. She said she knew I was trying to be supportive and appreciated me telling how proud I was of her. Seemed like we both had a chance to put ourselves in the other's shoes.

We talked about a few other things and I took responsibility and ownership of several issues she has expressed we had that I had always just dismissed (I still feel like a dick about this stuff). She said "look we have all made mistakes, none of us are perfect. What is important is that you recognize what happened and have made changes and we can see the effects of the changes."

We went to bed and were talking about when we lived together before the kids and even when we found out we were pregnant. I told I her I really liked while she was pregnant with my kids. She asked why and I tried to explain why I liked it so much and she seemed to really appreciate my response. We joked a little more and she asked me to rub her neck and shoulders for a few minutes.

Don't get your hopes up idiot, but accept the positive and take one day at a time. At least she asked if I would be able to help her in the morning and even said she wanted to go do something with her friends on Tuesday, but would miss being home with me and the kids. I told her we would be fine either way, and I wanted her to be free to go do her thing with her friends.