why? you ask. I think it is like I said before - he is peaking too. its the same behaviour he has exhibited before, its just magnified. You handled it very well. Keep your cool.
To you: re: why is he acting like this etc. what answer would you be satisfied with? what would you do then?
I think this is just part of the feelings -> values conflict we have been discussing. He does have deliberate motivation, albeit subconscious he needs your reaction, your part in this, in order to justify his behaviour of pursuing D, OW. Whether it be to validate himself as the victim or the wonderful man who can smooth over a D.
You want and maybe he can be steered away from D here. He knows it is wrong but he is holding his ground and sticking to it anyway. Maybe "just the right words" will move him. doubtful. maybe just the right action will. closer to the truth maybe. Now this is peaking because he also see you getting on that plane and leaving as "the end".
So what can you do?
sadly, I suspect nothing. what you have been doing along, light and breezy. the conversation you have just now put off until a more appropriate time to talk about it - this is the perfect example. He is hovering. he holds out a branch to you but as soon as you move your arm to touch it, he withdraws and everything he says and interprets comes from a place of serving his own agenda of justifying his behaviour. He has to get out of that place himself I suppose.
I get into this mess too. At 1st it was second to second, there was no other thought, then minute by minute, hour by hour. Now it is more "manageable" - it is still several times per hour though. BUT, big difference is that I hardly even have to question now - is it worth me sending, saying, asking, telling. Since BD I have "tried" to constrain myself by asking "What will I achieve", to which the answer has always been "nothing" when it comes to any discussion involving R and more importantly the 2nd question which has been much more enlightening to answer - "What do i WANT to achieve?".
for e.g. he was suicidal at Xmas time
your response - sorry (OK fair enough, validating) - so was I (why say this. what will you achieve and what do you hope to achieve)
will he recognise that you were hurting too, and he caused it, or will he do what my W does and turn it around that I created this situation, she is humbly euthanising the M, the martyr, the hero. Do you want to make him feel bad even if he does accept the blame? Isn't this what he complained about before - albeit this was exaggerated crap anyway.
Also - what is his motivation? all discussed above.
maybe you should even ask him this "Why do you want to discuss this, again. What outcome would you be satisfied with?"
M: 6 T: 12 Kids: 2,4 BD: Jan 2015 S: Feb 2015 EA/PA confirmed: Feb2015/Mar2015
