Thanks kml, I did not expect a reply so I appreciate you taking the time to do so.
I totally agree with you - I would not choose my h to date, i am not sure if there is anything about him I like right now. I feel sorry for him I suppose, its the whole "in sickness and in health" kinda thing, I went into this m committed to him and I see that he really is broken. What kind of person does it make me to just walk away from someone reaching out for help - I would do it for anyone, as that is who I am, in this case it just happens to be someone I was/am married to.
Some days I get him, the h I knew, he chats, laughs and jokes around like we used to, then a few days later its total head mush and he can't cope with the world. When I began this journey and it was said that the MLC'er has a really bad time of it, that it is not all fun and fluffy in their world, I did not believe it, I just saw the ow, the going out, the toys and living it up - but it really is true, they are chasing the fantasy that they blew their life apart for and he now has so many issues and problems as a result of it.
As for my sx2, I have never bad mouthed their d to them, if anything I have defended him, I even came back to NZ to keep them both here because i knew one day h would come out of this and to realise that he has lost his kids would have devastated him - as it is he is trying to mend bridges with them, especially s18 who has taken it worse than s21; they both see it as dad has broken their family, they were always so proud to have parents still together and who loved each other - it was a shock to them ....it was a shock to everyone. On top of that mum has had to struggle, to get a job, pay rent and bills and build a life without d, while d lived it up with ow and her kids. He has done himself no favours and I don't think he fully understands the impact it has had on our boys - it does not matter how old your kids are, it affects them.
I hope that the therapy starts to work for him and he can cope with life again - he will be picking up the pieces for many years to come, especially his finances.
