My lizard and her tunnel ...

[late30s]

Update:

This weekend was strange. I had reached a point where I wasn't contacting her at all (still there), but she reached out to me on Friday and asked if we could get together. Told her what my plans were for the weekend. She decided she was going to come over early Saturday and spend the day with me. I went and did my thing Friday night (I play a card game every Friday).

Saturday rolls around, at this point I have already decided that I would keep my schedule free for most of the day. Wife texts me at noon, says she wants to wait till about 3 and spend the night. Asks me if that is okay, I tell her sure. I picked her up and she proceeded to tell me that things are only getting worse for her. She may not be going back there at all. Tells me all about all the things she is going through. I enjoyed a STFU smoothie and listened. She seems to be heavy into depression and withdrawal at this point. At one point she asked me why I was interested in her. This is the only time I spoke up throughout the conversation. I asked her if she truly wanted me to answer the question or if she were simply wondering aloud. She told me she wanted an answer. I gave her this answer:

"I have seen the good and the bad parts of you, I have known you all my life and I feel like the complete package that you offer is good. In addition, I have had to ponder pursuing other relationships, think about other women and while they may certainly have something to offer, they are unable to give me a complete family. That is something I can only get with you."

I'm sure there are better ways I could have put that, but it is how I feel. Other women certainly have other things to offer, but she is a good catch in my opinion and has the added bonus of helping to restore my broken family.

We ended up talking for about two hours, most of which was her telling me about what was going on with her. After that we went to visit an old mutual friend. We were there for a while, came home, watched some netflix and went to sleep.

Sunday we watched more netflix, watched a movie, and just hung out most of the day. Toward the end of the day we talked a little but, thirty minutes or so. In reflection, I realized there was a part of our relationship I felt I had failed in. I had an A thirteen years ago. I never made it clear to her that she was my first choice. I felt like I should rectify that, with the worst case being, I am not haunted by it later in life.

I ended up taking her back to the apartment. She tells me she is seriously considering getting out of there and working on our marriage. I'm not sure how I feel about that. This is the first time she has really acted that way. She has told me this before but I felt like it was more of a keep him hooked kind of thing, it felt different this time.

Moving forward from here I intend to keep up with no contact initiated by me, listen to her when she wants to talk to me and see where things go. I will continue my GAL stuff because I have enjoyed hanging out with my kids and my buddies. I no longer invite her along, but I do mention what my plans for the day are if she asks about getting together. My plans don't change any longer.

I'm still reeling from this weekend. I had accepted that things were done between us and was starting to really distance myself from the situation. I think she is psychic and knew I felt that way, even though I never mentioned any of it to her.

Thanks for taking the time to read. Any and all advice or comments are welcomed.