Too angry right now

[ohgosh]

Hi guys,

Long story short:
married 2 years, in the relationship for 6 years, we met in college, we are both 29.

Have lived together for almost 5 of those years, have had issues for a while now, boils down to me not finding my path in life in terms of career and being unhappy in general a lot of the times, my wife being very insecure, needy, and emotionally reactive is the best way to sum it up.

We moved to another country 2 years ago after I found a job abroad, she followed me but had resentment for me moving her.

I told her recently of some things in my past i never shared with her or anyone - having had some bisexual affairs about 3 years before we met, not sex but I do consider myself partly bisexual, i never shared this because I was confused and also fearful as many men are about this type of thing.

This broke the camel's back, and she immediately wanted to leave me, cheated on me with a friend from school who was her EA when i was distant.

I did everything I could to win her back, and did after a week, but fell into the same patterns as we didn't work on our issues, and also I downplayed the bisexual thing.

Fast forward to two weeks ago I again came clean to her that I do consider myself kind of bisexual, this led to her separating from me financially, and I moved out to a friend's house, i now realise this was a mistake.

We are setting up a new flat together now which we rent out, and I have been pretty homeless sleeping at the flat and friend's places.

I can see that at many points she is confused about wanting to split up, angry, cant trust me, says she wants some time and space, then says we will never get back together, etc.

I have read the DM book, and trying to utilise some things like LRT - not initiating contact, trying to avoid R talks whenever possible, GAL (hardest for me as I recently quit my job to transition my career to something to do with my real passion) and working on myself by getting back to my meditation practice and yoga.

I am however very torn. Since our lives are so co-dependent, I feel like I am sticking around this city for her, and whenever I see that she actually wants to see other people (she said she wants this break to be like a breakup, very confused), I feel torn inside.

I get very angry, cant sleep, feel like [censored] a lot of the time.

Now I am completely unsure what to do - classically she sees ALL negatives, says I've not been there for her for 6 years, and this is complete non-sense as she is so needy and clingy that I've been there for her more times than I can remember.

When I get very angry I feel like she is stringing me along, that I should just tell her I want a divorce and move on with my life, that she is cheating on me, wanting to be with others while maintaining me on the side, etc.

I try to hold myself back from lashing out at her in times of anger but at times like this when I am feeling like she's just stringing me along I feel horrible.

I've read a lot on this forum and its very helpful, but I just sometimes feel that by not sharing any of my thoughts and feelings with her and just letting her vent I am just building up more and more resentment and anger inside me.