D12 is really struggling and it's only Sunday. Her head still hurts and she says every time she thinks about going to Ohio her stomach gets upset. I'm beginning to wonder if this is worth it.
Of course, now D21 has made plans to go to Ohio too. And, when we spoke, it came up again about my mom and her judgements. I know my mom will be herself on acid because of the stress of the hearing... not exactly supportive.
When I asked D12 to express what she is feeling in just the first words that came to her head... she said "Dad" ..."I don't want to deal with him"
Then, came out my mom's apartment... a dead toddler was found in the apartment building next to my mother's within the same complex a few weeks ago. D12 is really freaked out. Turns out the child was killed by her father and hidden for weeks under garbage to hide the smell. Who does that happen to?
D12 doesn't want to stay at my mom's... I can't blame her, but I can't afford to go somewhere else right now.
It all feels a bit over-the-top... a job interview, a situation here which isn't working, a divorce hearing where I have to defend myself about parts of my life I want to let go, two newspapers which need written in the span of the next 10 days--and me taking 2-3 days off to get to Medina-prepare for a hearing-see family and come home-- and a 12-year-old girl who was already showing signs of depression.
I feel so close to the next step. I know I'm ready to end this marriage... I'm just not sure about what I'm willing to put us both through--especially D12--IDK.
Last edited by LoisB; 08/09/1509:19 PM.
"You know, it's times like these when I realize what a superhero I am." Tony Stark/Iron Man
“Focus on what you can do, then do it with all your heart.” Lois Wilson
But, it's not all bad... I need to mention. I've been reading these great books on commercial writing. I can do this. I CAN DO THIS!
I reached out to a writer who writes newsletters and brochures and lives in the Finger Lakes... She took a look at my resume and gave me some suggestions on how to market myself.
I kinda feel like I'm on the edge of a cliff about to jump... not in a bad way... more like I'm getting ready to hang glide. It's a good feeling.
"You know, it's times like these when I realize what a superhero I am." Tony Stark/Iron Man
“Focus on what you can do, then do it with all your heart.” Lois Wilson
Heather, Look a it this way, once you go to Ohio, hopefully that will be the last time you will need to go there for the divorce. It's one step closer to being free of Matt. It's one step closer for your children to be able to move forward and not have to watch their parents bickering and being all stressed out.
Can you and your daughters stay w/friends? Can your D12 stay overnight w/a friend of her's back in Ohio? I don't blame her, I wouldn't want to stay at your mother's either. That's awful what happened there. Also, that is a very toxic environment at your mother's and it's not a good thing to deal w/while going to court.
Take the things that are going on in your life and divide them up in little pieces. Don't try to look at the big picture and jumble them all up into on package. It won't work that way for you. You have to take each one and focus on it until you are able to close it out.
Have you advised your supervisors that you need to be away from the office for 3 days? If not, do it first thing tomorrow so that they can get someone to cover for you while you are away.
Your divorce won't be over and done w/unless you and your D12 go back to Ohio and go to court. It has to be done because she's a minor and he's paying child support and he wants visitation. If you and your D12 don't go, the divorce will not be finalized. You have to go get this done. I do understand how she's feeling, but maybe they can talk to her in closed chambers and not in the courtroom. Then she wouldn't have to deal w/her father face to face. Ask about this.
I'm sorry so much is coming around, but again, take each event, one by one and you'll be okay.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
Not sure it's what I want, but may not be a bad transition into the area.
Much more 9-5. One Sat per month. Couple evenings per month, $12k less per year... BUT...much less responsibility and I could carve out some commercial clients while there.
Worth considering.
"You know, it's times like these when I realize what a superhero I am." Tony Stark/Iron Man
“Focus on what you can do, then do it with all your heart.” Lois Wilson
I'm glad the interview went well. However, don't be too quick in accepting the first job offer. You want to make sure you can afford to live on a good salary and not have to struggle supporting yourself and your daughter. I know you want to move from the area you are in right now, but take your time in looking. Sometimes, we jump too quickly to get out of situations and then we end up in situations whereby they aren't a good fit all the way around.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
I'm really burned out. It's reached epic proportions. I'm not making mistakes like before, but I've lost my motivation. The pressure from above is my main source of burn out. Even though I've been trained now and CAN do this job, I'm under surveillance by some very anal supervisors who bicker amongst themselves.
I'm very done, cooked, over cooked.
I realize now that my main goal is to be self-employed successfully and I believe I can do it with the proper support around me. This reporting job, if they are willing to allow me some flexibility to write from home in the mornings, may be just the ticket.
And, even though it may not be perfect--at this point rumors are already surfacing that I'm leaving and I may have to take this--if it's offered--to get outta here. I'm not liking myself or the job I'm doing and I can't allow that to continue. Plus, D12's unhappiness is really weighing on me.
Other opportunities are out there, but this would give me a chance to work with less pressure, regroup and find something more suitable in an area where we could make it work in time.
Just thinking out loud.
Last edited by LoisB; 08/11/1512:24 PM.
"You know, it's times like these when I realize what a superhero I am." Tony Stark/Iron Man
“Focus on what you can do, then do it with all your heart.” Lois Wilson
I highly urge you to make sure that $12k less fits into your budget. I know you are anxious to get out of this job and move, but it will just be the same anxieties in a different place if you are not making enough money. Will your new rent be 12K less a year? Please make sure you have your budget figured out and that your expenses can be paid with your salary alone unless you nail some commercial writing jobs BEFORE you make a move and actually see how much more income you will have.
Have you done a budget figuring out what the lowest salary you can live on in that area is? I don't want to tell you what to do, but unless you type up a strict budget allowing for extras and come up with a number, I wouldn't accept any job and make a big move that doesn't fall within that number.
Heather, Ginger has given you great advice. I agree w/her advice 100%.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
