Thanks Asitis, sometimes it is hard to remember with DB that we are "allowed" to be human and not just DB machines. What bothered me the most last night was that I felt good that H was comforting me, and I felt like that was a sign of weakness. Like I am supposed to be emotionally detached all the time. I have been working SO hard on detachment and I was doing so well, and then to take some comfort from him just made me feel both comforted and weak.
I did tell him that he can't just make small talk when he sees OW to avoid an awkward situation, I told him that the awkward situation is a natural consequence of his having crossed a boundary, and it [censored] for him, but that's a result of the behavior he chose. And I told him that by being friendly he is leading her on, which is probably why she is on my linked in page snooping on me, her mind is probably wandering. I probably shouldn't have told him that, now his will probably wander too. But if it is over he has to make it clear to her AND to me AND to himself. Or else it isn't over. And he did tell me 3 months ago that he blocked her from all social networking sites, so that is a direct lie. And also a testament to me that I haven't snooped in 3 months!
I think I will go on the date because to not go will feel like I am "punishing" him or holding a grudge. He did apologize and hold me, and actually listen to my pain last night, which was a first. Maybe that was just something that had to come out and will be a good thing.
Time will tell, I am doing better today. I blocked her from linked in and also my mother in law while I was at it. That was very satisfying. Thank you for the supportive words.
