Morning. I back again and need to vent and advice.
My wife brought the boys to see me yesterday (they now live with her mother about an hour 1/2 away). The boys and I have annual Tournament that we go to and she agreed. Well, the Championship Game was at 6pm. She had gotten to the house around 11:30am. She was furious of that because she didn't want to be here past 7pm and wasn't about to stay over at all. I mentioned to her that she knew that the boys and I do this as a tradition every year and ask her what's the big deal?
Anyway, she had mentioned to me a week ago the boys needed clothes for school so we went to the mall and got them clothes. There didn't seem to be a problem. Boys were feeling good and looked very happy. She looked fine with it. We then finish up at the Mall and she decides we should got to the Cheese Cake Factory to get something to eat because the boys were hungry, but it would take long. We then proceed to a Japanese Restaurant we have been to before and an early dinner. Everything seemed of and she says we'll got to the game, but won't stay the whole game...I agree.
We get to the game and everything is fine my older boys (9,6 yrs old) want to sit in the bleachers, but my little 2 year old isn't sitting so I tell my oldest Son the youngest isn't going to sit and I'll come back when the Games starts. Game starts and I try with the youngest...not happening oldest is upset. I take youngest to play near his mom and now she starts to freak out and say she got it and that she got played to come and baby sit when I made it abundantly clear that it was a father and son tradition and that she wasn't there to be a part of it and just there to baby sit when I was to be the one to handle it because I insisted in bring my youngest. She was furious. I told her that wasn't the case, but it was a loosing battle.
Out of the blue, the boys good friends and their parents (3 years divorced) show up. Wife calms down and everyone happy for the moment. The kids go and play, wife speak to other wife (her good friend) and starts to confide in her. I speak to the wife briefly and she says she feels for me and to hang in there cause there is still hope given what she is hearing. It's hard to believe cause W is acting the opposite to me.
Well the drive home (30-40 min) was hell. She pounded me with all my failures and she wasn't to go down with a sinking ship. After 15 min, I sternly say stop..enough! I know I have failed to keep promises, I failed to pay bills, I have failed to have loved you the way you deserve, but I can't change that. I wish I could but can't!!! I go on for about 10 minutes not about wanting to get back, but telling her that I will not allow her to try and break me down or continue to remind me of my past failures and that I am taking the steps to rebuild myself up for myself and my boys.
I was to go up and take my boys for a haircut today and she agreed but then curiously changed her mind. I want to reach out to her and ask why? I promised my oldest Son I will be there and need your advice. Anything I said and did was bad or wrong and she was being difficult and ugly to the core saying she has closed the door and that we will never be together for some reason. She was always saying she was strong and never been more independently strong and that I don't like it and can't handle it.
The following are the texts between us:
Wife- Made it safely back. Will call in the Am once boys are up. They will probably be sleeping in. Have a good evening
Me- Glad you guys made it safely. Thank you for bringing the boys down. I'm grateful. It was really nice to see the boys and you too. Good night.
Wife- I'm not happy with the way today went. I will not be driving to City (where I live). I do not think it's ok to come tomorrow. The conversation in the car was not ok. Our boys are So upset. I feel setup and used, your actions and words today are unacceptable. And, you should have respected the fact that our boys shouldn't be getting home at 10:30. And help support me when I said No. I will not tolerate this anymore or accommodate your visits with the boys.
Mutual Friend (Actually her friend who she confides in)-
I will do whatever I can -- it's heartbreaking to me for all of you .... It hits so close to home, obviously.
And I agree -- she's listening to other people (I did too) and she is worried about her mom's approval.... She needs to miss you ... She needs to miss her boys before she really knows what it is like ...
I was really nervous talking to you and getting her upset -- but I have a wealth of experience & I will try to convey to her what it's really like.
And please do not move to Hawaii -- your boys need you.
It's such a hard road for everyone .... I'm here if you need to talk --
