Saturday Morning W drops off kids. We meet in driveway. I don't want her comning into the house for a variety of reasons. So I parked car in the driveway blocking her from parking on the driveway. I am packing the car as we are meeting friends at the beach.
She shows up, gets the kids out and I say hi, kiss the kids and continue packing the car. She asks "Can we look at the schedule for next week" Next week I am taking off and have lots of medical appointments scheduled for kids as they are getting ready for school.
I said "This is not a great time, I'm packing the car and trying to get ready to go, could we do it at another time?". I continued packing the car, our S came into the house to get some stuff, our D played in the garage. I came into the house to get more stuff.
She took that that I was being hateful and left her and D6 in the yard. When I came back out, she said "What are you doing with the kids next week, you have to tell me, it's the law and I want to know where my kids are!"
I said it's on the calendar, I took the week off and there are a few doctor appointments that we talked about and I got scheduled." I have it taken care of.
She loses it and starts yelling. "You don't tell me when the kids have appointments, you withold information and I will be at the Doctors appointents too!
I replied "I said I have got it taken care of, this is my week with kids, I am capable of taking them to the doctor."
W - "You dont know what to tell the Doctors and I can't rely on you to tell me what is going on, I have to ask the kids for the info!" This is for an orthotic boot for our S and a routine dental appointment.
So it ended badly. She was angry that I wasn't putting appointments on the calendar. I agree that doctor appointments should be put on the calendar. However one of the appointments had just been made on Friday. I spent the entire week trying to make an appointment with this doctor. I sent W before I made any appointments, "Hey, any objections if I try to get S9 into this occupational therpy clinic? She said no, great. So I proceeded and got the appointment. The other appointment, was a phone glitch. I "accepted" the apointment but it didn't make it back to her. Not my fault.
Anyway, she sent me an email while we were at the beach. She berated me for being rude, hateful and hostile and angry at her in front of the kids. She berated me for not looking her in the eyes. I didn't respond or defend myself. I just said I am sorry you are feeling frustrated but I'm doing the best that I can and you have to trust that.
Also - she scheduled S9 birthday party for Saturday. Typically we invivte on 3-4 people. She invited his entire class - 24 kids and now I see 12 adults are coming as well. We never discussed this and I can't pay for 24 kids and 19 adults. She sent the evite, listed me as a co-host but had her email listed for RSVP. She is made that I did not RSVP. Really, Do I have have RSPV for my S9's birthday party? I have no idea who the 19 adults are and why are 19 adults coming to a 10 year old birthday party? My guess is that most of these are kids parents but I don't know. The next day is supposed to be just the 4 of us for a cake decorating activity. I don't know if I can even do that. It will be so toxic. Of course, this is not about me but about the kids, I will do everything in my power to make it a happy event for them, but it feels like she comes at me, pushing my buttons and trying to get me to react. I won't do that. Then she gets mad that I won't respond or look at her. I can't win.
Anyway, a terrible interaction, no trust on her part for me to handle kids appointments, she insists on coming to appointments (this is my week) and berating me for not listing everything on the calendar which all were except 2.
In my mind, I think she should say thank you for taking time to arrange the schedule and get the kids ready for school medical wise and for taking a week to make and schedule these appointments. But what I get is crap dumped on me for not sharing the information.
Again, I feel ordered around, no matter what I do it is WRONG. Not the right doctor, not the right day, not the right scheduling, everthing WRONG. I said look, this is more complicated by or situation and that's sad but reality. It's twice as hard. She replied "It doesn't have to be this way, our divorce should not impact our kids like this". I didn't say anything but listened.
Now what the heck do I do? If I respond to her, it is more spew, if I don't it is I am ignoring her. She is still so ANGRY with me all the time. I frankly can't deal anymore with this.
