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[asitis]

I know it is galling, and it has to hurt to have the person you loved and committed to sue you and be so selfish with little regard for you or the kids.

Just so you are forearmed if the W makes the case that moving the kids back and forth wont be good for them, there was a recent Swedish study that took up this question, and showed the benefits of joint custody out weighed the moving. Basically, they looked at psychosomatic (emotional-physical) symptoms of teenagers in various forms of family arrangements. Of course the kids in nuclear families had the fewest symptoms. They were being asked by clinicians who had been worrying about the affect of the massive rise in joint custody over the last two decades, so the assumption was that joint custody kids would fare the worst. In fact joint custody kids showed lower symptoms than the sole custody w/ visitation kids. Their speculation was that having closer contact with both parents and the support networks both parents' friends and family provided outweighed the impact of moving back and forth between households. Here is an article on the study: Medical News Today Article

I can't remember if your wife has nixed the idea of mediation, but having a mediator with some counseling training is much less adversarial and likely to produce better R outcomes whether the M fails or not. If she as at all receptive to doing what is best for the kids, having a better co-parenting relationship should be her aim. It may not be, but it is worth pushing for. And if she says that she has already filed, there is nothing that says she can't withdraw the petition to try mediation, and if that fails re-file with something more like an agreement focusing instead on the intractable issues that a judge will decide.

Sorry you are having to go through this.