Detach and Move Forward Small Steps

[Vanilla]

Ghost

You are not unattaching from the one you love and have loved for that time. That isn't detaching, you can still stand.

Detaching is very different, it is letting go of the outcome. It is attaching to yourself.

It is doing that which works for you. It is doing that which you need to do for you irrespective of the effect it has.

It is following the process that works for you.

It really is not to be in a safe emotional place, you can still be detached and it works for you but be hurt.

For example Vapo has an anniversary, chooses to go out for a meal with some friends instead of moping. It is done because that works. The S may either a. Be angry b. Be disappointed c. Not care d. Rant e. Pick nose f. Eat cheese

It doesn't matter, Vapo still goes out. It is sad not the best night but it works for Vapo.

So how did I detach? Initially I used a technique called third position or fly on the wall. I looked at my WH and I and the sitch and said what would the fly on the wall see? As if I were the fly on the wall.

Another techniques is "best adviser technique" ie what would the very best adviser I have tell me to do? How will they mentor me? What would Wonka or Cadet say? You can have a team of advisers for different things, I have Nelson Mandela on my team, I also have Sherlock Holmes and Lord Dennison.

Yet another technique is older self, pretend you are 5 years older looking back what would you tell yourself?

It is about stopping W,your thoughts about your sitch from driving your physiology, feelings hence emotions and behaviour. It is giving you back the power to drive all of these for yourself from your own core with that which works for you. Irrespective of the effect of the outcome.

Given two equal choices though, you will always do the one which benefits all.

Oh yes, children always come first.

V