Cali, It takes about 8-9 months after the "reconciliation" for the MLCer to feel comfortable in their own skin. Until they do, they are fragile and will appear to skirt issues, etc. As they test us to see how we feel about them, the reconciliation and making the marriage a new one. Yes, they do test us in many ways, so don't be surprised about this. It's just the way of the land for them until they know that they are truly "home" for good.
I have advised others during this particular process that this is the hardest part for the lbs to work on because we want everything out in the open pronto and it doesn't work. We want the marriage back and we want them to be fully committed, etc. It doesn't happen that way. You have to remember that when the crisis ends, they will exit the same way that they went in, i.e., gradually. Gradual re-entry takes months and you have to dig deeper for patience. There will come a time when you and your wife will be able to sit down and have those much needed conversations. Trust me, the time will come.
For now, dig deeper for patience and allow her to continue to come to you. Come here to vent or to talk. You've come so far and I would hate to see you take several giant steps back when they could be avoided.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
