A hard dream. H was in hospital again, I was 3 mo pregnant. We were a team again, working with his doctors, like in a large hotel suite. There was still the throwing things, feelings of being devalued when they weren't around...I posted about it on FB (the horror!) - the comments came in, good to get it in the open but you always say what happened, how do you feel?
I woke up relieved that if done no such thing and sad that we were not in fact a team anymore, even if it meant wrestling with some of this.
I feel sad so much of the time. Devastated at how and what happened that week. Angry that he set me up during piecing when it was using. Angry he demonized me, pushed me away, M really meant nothing Disgusted that his top priority was getting under someone to get over me Lost, confused over the past Regretting the times I didn't leave for good Hopeful still of his great awakening, that I can keep the good parts of him I loved Scared about the future Anxious about my upcoming gearing, dread seeing him
The overwhelming feeling is still disbelief and horror. None of it adds up or seems possible.
Mid 30's Psych-abusive M with violent tantrums from XH D 9/15; NC forever on
