So my story is all over the place. We have had some intimacy issues for the last couple years that ultimately turned into my H having a one time PA over a year ago now. I spent the last year working through it but also not addressing the issues that we had that led to it. Basically things weren't getting better. I had a lot of pent-up anger and resentment towards him that I would lash out which could be taken as almost emotional abuse my communication was very poor. We have been in counseling and are still in counseling however things of changed dramatically. A little over a month ago my H said he needed to take some space. Of course it hurt however I read that space is sometimes good when you need to collect your thoughts and I agreed and supported. We have a son who just turned 6 so it's been even harder with that.
Anyway shortly after he decided to stay at his moms he started seeing someone. He had told me if I wasn't going to have sex with him he would find it somewhere. But what was tough is that I have been trying to work on our intimacy issues he just hasn't accepted my advances. He said they didn't feel organic they felt forced and he doesn't feel like the passion will ever come back and I lives that were just like roommates. Did say however how much he loves me cares for me deeply and will always support me and be there for me.
During the space we decided to reassess in September so I am doing the best that I can to make it through this time. I actually requested that we push it out because I feel like September's coming too soon. I'm not ready to make any decisions. He and I are doing individual counseling right now every other week until then which I find impressive considering he is seeing that girl. The problem with space is in the beginning he would reach out almost bait me and hook me. Saying how spaces hard how much he missed me. How I am his "person" and his best friend. Of course I would react excited thinking he was coming back but then anytime I showed any sort of emotion or excitement he would just throw his hands up and back away and become distant again. I now know not to respond to those little texts.
I plan to give him complete space with very limited contact only relating to our child. I realize with this other person involved us getting back together will be a lot harder but I do still have hope. He holds anger and resentment towards me and I hurt him in so many ways like he hurt me and I know he needs time to heal. I am willing to accept him for who he is and forgive for this time when he's ready to come back. I have worked on myself to change some of my behaviors in a positive way and learn how to manage my emotions and my anger to communicate better. I just started reading DR today and already at chapter 7. I feel that I implement a lot of these techniques already and I'm looking for guidance on how to implement them better in my particular situation. Right now he is flying high with infatuation over this girl because she's younger than me and I'm sure says yes to everything he does and praises everything he does and it makes him feel powerful. What I can only hope being a rebound situation is that the excitement will eventually fade in reality will set in.
Maybe it's foolish but I love my husband and I want to make things work and I love my family.
