I understand those feelings and get caught up in that also. I imagine the life me and W could have if both of us put the effort into the M now, we could really be happy. It would be hard, but worth it. I actually focused on that too much for a while and it was causing me issues so my IC put a thought in my head. Its possible that future with W is based in a reality that may never could have happened. Our transformation into the people we are now never included our W so dwelling on their path diverging from ours keeps us from moving into the next phase of our life. A phase that could lead to something greater if we let it. That struggle you both went through, whos to say you both don't benefit from it in the future. It just may not be together.
I hear you Fogg. It's just a tough pill to swallow. My W and I both agreed a few months ago that BD was the wake up call we both needed. Me for my substance use, her for letting go of some long held patterns from her family of origin.
But I hear you. If we could have done it back then, we would have. And who knows what the future will bring. The reason I'm here in the town I'm in, with the business I have, doing what I do is because I came home about 10 years ago to an empty apartment after my live in girlfriend found a photo of an ex and decided to bounce. It's a long story, but if she hadn't have left that day (she came back), I would be living an entirely different life.
In the week she was gone I planned a trip and on that trip met people that introduced me to my profession. Crazy in hind site. Otherwise I may have turned out to be an attorney for God's sake! But if you asked me that day, crying my eyes out on the apartment floor, I would have told you that nothing good was going to come of it. Now I know that everything that I still have that is good came from it.
So who knows right? Who knows what's in store for everyone on this board. I hope it's lives filled with peace and wonderment, I really do. For you as well.
Good night US DB'ers.
M 39 W 36 T5 M3 BD - 1/15 Separated - Same Day Served 9/15 D finalized 6/17
