PP's New Adventure (5) - Filing & Moving Forward

[Defacto]

PP,
I'm sorry for this turn in your sitch. However, your growth and perspective has always been so inspirational to me. You have overcome so much and your maturity through it all is staggering. Congrats on the successes in your personal journey, the only journey that counts.

[PigPen]

25 - Thank you for your time and energy. I really appreciate your insight. Please know it holds a lot of weight with me. I have no plans to break my sobriety ever. One of the most confusing parts of post BD for me was feeling better than I ever have before despite going through an emotional shitstorm.

My W used to actually comment on how she knew the separation was a good thing because I was smiling and laughing more. I got sick of telling her that it had nothing to do with the separation and everything to do with waking up feeling whole.

Thank you RD, Bob and Defacto as well. I'm going to say it for the next 200 days, but everyone on here has kept me on my path and has given me a home when I lost my own.

Cheers everyone.

[Elly4]

Hi PP. I danced a virtual boogie when I heard about your 200 days! Good for you! If you can do that, then nothing is impossible for you. Your loving, kind nature will see you far in life, while your history and perseverance will keep you well grounded, no matter what W does.

Well done!

*Hugs*
E

[asitis]

My W used to actually comment on how she knew the separation was a good thing because I was smiling and laughing more. I got sick of telling her that it had nothing to do with the separation and everything to do with waking up feeling whole.

Yes, my W would say that she feels so much less stressed. I kept wanting to say (& a couple times I did) I do too, what the hell has that got to do with it. Living with someone you are struggling with is stressful. That doesn't mean that it confirms your decision, that's just rationalization. STFU smoothies until they realize that it wasn't a good decision.

Just stopped by to say hang in there.

[PigPen]

Thanks Elly - a virtual boogies makes me very happy! It was a big day. I know I have an anniversary in Sept, a wedding in December, and my antiversary in January before hitting the 1 Year mark, but nothing is going to slow me down.

By telling virtually everyone I know and writing about it on my blog it's made it much easier to stand with. I just don't drink or get high any more, I train my butt off in the gym, and have a life filled so amazement and wonder to take its place. Best decision I ever made.

Appreciate you stopping by as well As, I know that my W had to tell herself and me a lot of things for her to be ok with the decision to leave. I understand that it's a big one regardless of the true reasons. It wasn't easy for her either, nor do I think she married me with any other intention but for us to be together for life.

I got an interesting reply from her regarding my dog last night, but I've put it out of my life for the weekend so I can GAL, write, workout, and spend time outside without obsessing about it and crafting a reply. I'll post it on Monday and get everyone's thoughts on how to proceed.

The weekends are often tough for us DB'ers so my thoughts go out to everyone on the board.

PP

[DifRent]

PP... it's been hard the past month with my new job keeping up with everyone's sitches. But I read through all of this and yeah, congratulations to you on everything! What kind of business are you running, by the way? Nothing like being passionately creative about your work to keep all these things in perspective. I wish the business that I started two years ago had gained traction. Part of why I've wished this is because its lack of success is part of my WW's argument as to why she left me.

But then I think: who wants to be with someone who will leave you for your lack of success instead of supporting you through it? No one... and really, that's not who she was. It's who she is right now, though. The monster.

Still, it's also easy to see where we both were "phoning it in" at times in our M, a certain lack of consciousness about our M like you say you had in yours. My friend says that when we get married, we are on the "80 year plan." Although I've thrown all expectations out the window, I also have resolved to proceed with hope - hope that this is a small bucket of pain in a very long marathon, and one that, should we reconcile, will have been the catalyst for a whole new and fully conscious relationship. I'm not quite where you are yet, but I'm starting to see how things are going to be better either way for me, just like they will for you... with her or without her. That being said... we DB because we hold onto hope that "with her" is where things will end up.

Thanks for being such an inspiration. Big hugs to you.

Dif

[PigPen]

Thanks Dif. I went through a lot of the same stuff. I started and closed two businesses in the few years I was married, all the while building my main business up. All the while doing side projects up the wazoo.

It was WAY too much work and definitely took me out of my M. I was not present even when I was present. Vacations were spent flatlining for three or four days and then trying to recover for the rest of the week.

I financed all of it with a ton of caffeine during the day and then drugs etc to sleep/destress at night. But, we had bills to pay. And more bills to pay. And the only way that I saw to take care of that was to keep working and keep trying new ventures. In hindsight it was not the best way to go. Moronic actually but it was the only way I knew. I didn't ever think BD was possible, and would tell my W to just hang int here until we turned the corner. That all couples fresh out of school were struggling.

Thought we were on the 80 year plan too and that the first few years would just be hard. That nothing good comes easy.

My W didn't leave me because my businesses failed, but I know how ridiculously (medically) run down I was before she left. My doctor had told me to consider taking six months off if I could. Unfortunately I went from that advice to BD...no rest for the weary.

I currently own a very unique gym, but also have private clients all over that are trying to lose significant amounts of weight - usually over 50 pounds. I'm selling the gym to my partner, keeping the private clients and working on a book. I've written a blog for our business for six years...every single day. Oddly enough for a small business we have over 6,000 visits to the blog per month. Not big numbers but not bad for an entity with only 200 clients and no other outreach.

BD truly shook me up, but it also made all of the areas of my life that weren't really working more evident. When my partner asked me about selling only a week after BD, I knew something bigger was happening in my life (or that's what I told myself to stay sane).

Next year is going to be another interesting one. I'm considering selling most of my stuff (I don't have much any more), packing up my car and driving across country to get material for the book. I'm switching from writing the gym blog to a blog on my own website and would have the time of my life getting stories from people. Would be an adventure as scary as it also sounds.

As awful as BD was, it definitely opened the door of possibility for me. Now to use it both for my highest form of expression and in a way that will benefit the most people.

This S has been awful, and I miss my W everyday. I'm still sort of stuck at the point where the more amazing I see the rest of my life, the more I wish she could still be a part of it, you know? We went through the struggle together but never got to benefit from that struggle. That still breaks my heart.

Thanks for the hug, I hope you're having a peaceful weekend.

PP

[DifRent]

"This S has been awful, and I miss my W everyday. I'm still sort of stuck at the point where the more amazing I see the rest of my life, the more I wish she could still be a part of it, you know? We went through the struggle together but never got to benefit from that struggle. That still breaks my heart."

Oh boy, does that resonate with me, my friend.

PP... please Google the Wellness Wordsmith. That's the business I ran (and still run, albeit part-time) that had decent success before I went off on another project... that other project being one that I believe still might yet succeed, but just hasn't yet.

Although alcohol was not part of my personal transformation story, I do have one. Ironically, my W came into the picture in the midst of that transformation, and I thought for sure that we'd only continue to grow together and benefit from the personal changes and professional plans I made based on that transformation. Of course, not so much at the moment.

In any case, professionally, I think we might be able to connect and support each other. I'd really love to know more about what you do and your plans going forward. Your idea of driving across the country collecting stories is something that I have thought of doing myself. What a great adventure...

More hugs... and yes, I am having a most peaceful weekend. Hope you are too...

Dif

[Fogg]

Next year is going to be another interesting one. I'm considering selling most of my stuff (I don't have much any more), packing up my car and driving across country to get material for the book. I'm switching from writing the gym blog to a blog on my own website and would have the time of my life getting stories from people. Would be an adventure as scary as it also sounds.

That sounds amazing and if its what you really want to do then I say go for it. I've always wanted to take a road trip across country.

This S has been awful, and I miss my W everyday. I'm still sort of stuck at the point where the more amazing I see the rest of my life, the more I wish she could still be a part of it, you know? We went through the struggle together but never got to benefit from that struggle. That still breaks my heart.

I understand those feelings and get caught up in that also. I imagine the life me and W could have if both of us put the effort into the M now, we could really be happy. It would be hard, but worth it. I actually focused on that too much for a while and it was causing me issues so my IC put a thought in my head. Its possible that future with W is based in a reality that may never could have happened. Our transformation into the people we are now never included our W so dwelling on their path diverging from ours keeps us from moving into the next phase of our life. A phase that could lead to something greater if we let it. That struggle you both went through, whos to say you both don't benefit from it in the future. It just may not be together.

[PigPen]

I understand those feelings and get caught up in that also. I imagine the life me and W could have if both of us put the effort into the M now, we could really be happy. It would be hard, but worth it. I actually focused on that too much for a while and it was causing me issues so my IC put a thought in my head. Its possible that future with W is based in a reality that may never could have happened. Our transformation into the people we are now never included our W so dwelling on their path diverging from ours keeps us from moving into the next phase of our life. A phase that could lead to something greater if we let it. That struggle you both went through, whos to say you both don't benefit from it in the future. It just may not be together.

I hear you Fogg. It's just a tough pill to swallow. My W and I both agreed a few months ago that BD was the wake up call we both needed. Me for my substance use, her for letting go of some long held patterns from her family of origin.

But I hear you. If we could have done it back then, we would have. And who knows what the future will bring. The reason I'm here in the town I'm in, with the business I have, doing what I do is because I came home about 10 years ago to an empty apartment after my live in girlfriend found a photo of an ex and decided to bounce. It's a long story, but if she hadn't have left that day (she came back), I would be living an entirely different life.

In the week she was gone I planned a trip and on that trip met people that introduced me to my profession. Crazy in hind site. Otherwise I may have turned out to be an attorney for God's sake! But if you asked me that day, crying my eyes out on the apartment floor, I would have told you that nothing good was going to come of it. Now I know that everything that I still have that is good came from it.

So who knows right? Who knows what's in store for everyone on this board. I hope it's lives filled with peace and wonderment, I really do. For you as well.

Good night US DB'ers.