TLEE86 Part IV

[TLEE86]

Hi, thank you for checking in. Quick update, bullet point style as C used to say.

- Work is going very well, I can actually say that I really enjoy going to work now. I love being in charge of Soldiers and its very enjoyable. I actually look forward to the work week.

- I hired an interior decorator to redo the entire downstairs of my house. Somewhat pricey, but it'll make me feel better and I could use the new things without WW's memories attached to them all. Im planning on hosting a BBQ at the end of September when everything is complete.

- I started online dating. Its...interesting..pretty hit or miss...have a couple "dates" lined up but to be completely honest I'm not exactly thrilled or feeling the butterflies about them as Id hoped/wanted. But maybe in time. Right now its just difficult because as I said before, I just compare everyone to WW, how she looks, how she acts, talks etc etc. But one day...

- I'm going up to see WW in about 2 weeks. Pretty nervous, not entirely sure how its going to go. She's been texting me every now and then about when I'll be there, and if we can swap dogs for a few nights. Honestly it feels like were co-parenting dogs. She wants our Shepherd for a couple nights and I'll be taking our Golden from her for the same days. Is it weird that I don't know if I want her to take him? Not because of her, but because of OM? I feel like he's MY dog, not OM's...I don't want OM to even touch my dog, to even try and be friendly with him...because its MINE. Also because she abandoned us....why should she get to play with him like everything is fine and then go back to her life with OM?

- Besides a few texts here and there about my visit up there, we've both gone pretty dark, NC. There's really nothing to say. She did post something interesting on her blog the other day, but my IC quickly shot me down.

WW said "I saw a picture of you and almost cried. I had to distract myself. Your smile. Your laugh."

I told this to IC and she just said...yes in that second WW was thinking about you, but what about all the other hours in the day? How many times have you cried over her?

^^ point taken. As hard as it is, I try not to read into those things anymore. Because there really is nothing left to say to WW. NC is getting easier, only because until she gives up her current life style, what else can I say to her?

Nervous about seeing her, nervous about how its gonna go, what were gonna say, how I'm gonna feel...