AnotherStander, I missed your post originally. Thank you for your support and thoughts. Unfortunately, these are the kinds of thoughts that got me back into piecing, and it was the biggest mistake ever. I do not believe my husband is MLC, I strongly believehe has borderline mental health issues, on top of pain medication.
This was always a toxic and abusive marriage, but because he was so gentle and deep and caring at times, I excused a lot. I tried to take responsibility for too much. Like the time I dismissed his waking up in the middle of the night, after I had gone out to get a glass of water in the kitchen, when I returned to the bed he said, "Oh, you're back. I thought you were going out to F other men." I remember it took my breath away, so random and out vicious. But he was snoring within a minute and I dismissed it. We'd only been dating 6 months or so.
But things like this would happen. And as long as I could reason with him later about it, and we could talk about it, I kept believing we were building better communication and stability. I think I really wanted to save the poor tortured soul I saw inside, and one of the last things I heard from him after he came back, he is still looking for other people to teach him about himself, teach him his triggers, be there for him… He will always be looking for a mother, and he will always be disappointed in her until he starts looking inward.
Mid 30's Psych-abusive M with violent tantrums from XH D 9/15; NC forever on
