There is no "nice" about being someone's planb their second choice, their " fallback" position. Have you asked yourself why that is good enough for you?
I take from you being here that you have read the devastation created by people cheating.you know it for yourself as a person cheated on. He is cheating with his New partner with you? Be it emotional or physical. Do you realise you are now potentially supporting him to cheat.
Look so much of my behaviour in relationships has been so far from the person I thought I was, the values I hold. Check out your values. Is this person who is in relationship with this man really who you are? I would guess it's not, but only you can answer that question.
How you expect your daughters to value themselves in their relationships with men. What you be advising your daughters to do the day the come to you and say " mum he cheats on me all the time, He comes and goes as he pleases, I feel taken for granted and abused". What do you say?
PP said it right you have all the control here over YOU and the sooner you put your drug of choice down (meaning your ex) the better you will start to feel.
I'm going to keep posting 4mykids. I'm gonna keep being your cheerleader.
I've read your entire sitch..in my opinion the best thing you could do right now is move out with your daughter and have some time without him in your life..I'm no expert this is just my opinion..to me it sounds like you are being used by him for many things..didn't he offer to get a loan to help you move somewhere else? Sounds like he needs to man up and take care of his own bills,kids,etc. for a while and you go work on you and take care of yourself and your daughter..just my .02
Me-30 H/STBX-32 Daughters-10,7,18 months M-9 years T-11 years A few BD's since 2011 H left-March 16,2015 H came back-June 6,2015 Kicked husband out BC he was still seeing OW-June 26,2015
PP- Hi thanks for stopping by. Right now I am not sure I feel like I even have control over myself. I have TONS to work on 30 years worth of bad habits. I do have IC twice a week but I am considering going back to weekly as I feel like I am slipping again. I do not mediate but will do some research on it. I am not consistent at journaling but that shall be a goal for me. I need to get the emotions out somewhere. I am much better at typing what I feel than writing but I am not sure how to type that and keep it hidden! I am hitting rock bottom probably where I need to be. Especially with news that they are making it official even though we were still ML also. that does not matter though. What matters is me becoming the best me I can be! Thanks for your continued support!
Barbie- That is what I have been thinking lately also. It would be the easy way out. detatchment wouldnt be so hard, working on me and being drug down by all of this would be out of the picture. The only thought I hate about it is another person being in "my house" helping raise these kids. I have worked very hard doing this job. At the same time though I sometimes wonder if it would be a wake up call to him or if he will just throw her in my role. Fear is what hold me right now! It controls me. I am scared of him not coming back. I am scared of all of it!
Well I just got the co-dependent no more book and workbook on my phone. I also spent some time printing out anger management info and worksheets. Self esteem worksheets. And some other co-dependent worksheets. I need to kick my butt in gear and get on with it all! I want to be better and that is going to take a lot of work! He no longer believes I can change so since I am motivated by challenge. I will take the challenge become a better person. I will also take on the challenge of becoming a better choice for a partner as it seems he has not completely given up if he says he will let me know if things for him change. I do not want to "win" him back I would rather he want to come back and work on himself and on us! So off to start reading!
I understand how you feel-my H is with some yucky woman instead of with his family where he belongs but honestly there's nothing we can do about it right now..I'm about to become the best me i can be and if that isn't good enough for him then he can kiss my you know what..i know you're scared..I'm still a little scared..but don't we deserve to be treated like queens instead of some other woman who hasn't done for these men even half of what we have? If you lived close I'd tell you to move by me lol..if he lets her take over your role in that house so be it..you will eventually find somebody who wants you and only you..I have left my ditch and my H in God's hands BC honestly I've had all I can handle as far as him..i know I'm the better catch anyway and she's not even worth my time but I want you to start doing everything possible to make yourself better and feel better and you show him what he left..that's what I'm about to do and it's a good feeling..
Me-30 H/STBX-32 Daughters-10,7,18 months M-9 years T-11 years A few BD's since 2011 H left-March 16,2015 H came back-June 6,2015 Kicked husband out BC he was still seeing OW-June 26,2015
Oh and my husband thinks I can't change either ..let's show them they're wrong 😊
Me-30 H/STBX-32 Daughters-10,7,18 months M-9 years T-11 years A few BD's since 2011 H left-March 16,2015 H came back-June 6,2015 Kicked husband out BC he was still seeing OW-June 26,2015
I need to be a good example for them teach them they don't have to deal with the BS! I need to teach myself I deserve better than this! I need to teach him I can be a better person the women he once fell deeply in love with! It's going to be a long hard road I have very little support so even worse but I used to be a person that was strong easy going and happy now I'm weak controlling hurtful and sad! Time to turn it around! Sounds good on paper now I just need action!
Started reading co dependency no more feeling like it's geared toward alcoholics which is not the problem! Keep reading? Having an eh ok day not to cheery more crying side due to the huge blow of him saying they have been official for a few months yet struggling to understand why he still chose to sleep with me also?! So confused! My goal tomorrow 1. No texting 2. No pursuing 3. No control 4. No expectations
huge blow of him saying they have been official for a few months yet struggling to understand why he still chose to sleep with me also?! So confused!
4, you've said this a few times now. Why did he sleep with you? Because he's a cheater! Do you not see that? He's been doing this for 13 years. He cheats on you, he cheats with you. Because you allow it. There's nothing confusing about that.
You are doing fine, 4, this is a difficult road you are on. You've been stuck in the same patterns for years. Now you are trying to change and it's hard. But keep it up, girl, and you will come out better on the other end. And you can teach your daughter a better way. Hang in there.
