Oh, I see what you mean! I think all my 180s were things that H appreciated that I changed. I'm not withholding any affection that feels natural to express at this point. But I'm holding back on my OLD type of pursuing and trying new ways of reaching out that I think H appreciates more.
For instance: I used to do things for H - acts of service is my love language. His LL is words of affirmation. I'm not good with words. So now I work on doing less and saying more. You'd think that would be easy to do, right? Much less work! But surprisingly difficult to change, it's like I have a mouth full of rocks when I'm about to do it, and I feel soooo insincere.
I think this is something that will be different from situation to situation, what should you continue to do (changes that makes you a better version of yourself, and things that annoyed your spouse) and what should you go back to doing (natural expressions of affection, things spouse likes).
M 16 yrs, WH62, P54 3 adult blended kids EA 11/13, BD1 6/14 PA fall 14, BD2 2/15 Piecing 2015, BD3 12/15 Separated 4/16 WH moved OW in 5/16 Divorced 6/15/17
But surprisingly difficult to change, it's like I have a mouth full of rocks when I'm about to do it, and I feel soooo insincere. 