Need a fresh start...but he's still here

[lost18]

You have to not have expectations and come to the realization that this could go either way. Seriously.

I'm trying to have no expectations but it is not easy. That and detaching have been huge struggles for me as you know.

I have been home a few days and it has been interesting.

First thing is "his room:" He painted and bought a box spring and bed frame so he is no longer sleeping on a mattress on the floor. Of course had all sorts of thoughts about this but really haven't let it throw me into a tizzy.

Wednesday he was gone most of the day but when he got home we spent time talking (no R talk) on the lanai. Couple of things stood out:
-I asked if he told friend who wasn't sure how to introduce me to his girlfriend what was going on with us. He said last summer something came up and H told him we were having issues.
-Told me that he slept on my bed a couple of times but his back felt tons worse than normal afterwards. Then looked a little online for a mattress...
-This is also when he told me that his "first love" was trying to pick him up, and also how juvenile she seemed.

Nothing earth shattering for sure.

Later that night we were watching tv and decided that we were going to watch a new season of a series we both liked. He said we should watch it in our room because D13 kept coming out to the living room and it is not something we want her to see.

We watched 3 episodes and ended up once again being intimate...he initiated once again.

Last night and tonight he is sleeping in the other room.

I'm just going with it for now. Obviously it's a positive step. But you are right Mahhhty, it could still go either way. And the monotony of life and the financial issues that could arise and so forth.

Couple of other things I want to note. D13 has a tourney that requires an overnight stay. In the past I would take her and he wouldn't go. Well, he is going tomorrow so that's new.

Also, talking about some friends who are struggling right now and I made a comment about she wants to work things out and has some ideas. He very cynically commented "like what? Counseling?" So I know he will never agree to that, even though my IC continues to tell me to try to get him to come in with me.

So, I think you are all caught up. Kids start school on Monday so have been keeping busy during school shopping and such. I already have some subbing jobs scheduled so that is a positive, may still have an opportunity for a permanent position but we will see. Also it will be good to get back into a better routine and start running again. Although I was somewhat active on vacation I did a lot of drinking and unhealthy eating so time to get back on track. Plus I'm registered for a half marathon in November...yikes!

Hope you all have a great weekend!