Thanks for the advice Asitis, really appreciate it , I have good days and bad, she's still on my mind...lately I've been regressing thinking about her more My story kinda sounds a bit different from everyone here Bc we have nothing connecting us(kids) and she won't talk to me or anything (I get it she's in her fog of moving on). It's literally like she never knew me the ways she's "disappeared" in a matter of months...I don't see her ever seeing/talking to me again and hence thought a goodbye letter would let her see I love her and didn't want the divorce .
The letter will also tell her how I feel ? Also , it takes at the least 6 months for the D to finalize in my State.
Last edited by Aj8; 08/07/1511:33 PM.
Me:35 W:30 7 years together 11 months married No children W Left me-moved to her moms: June 2015 W filed for D: July 2015
6 months is a long time in DB land. Let the dust continue to settle.
I understand slipping back into thinking about her, I'm doing the same right now. It's still hard. That's exactly the time you want to reach out and act, and also the worse time to do so.
Maybe search the site (use a search engine w/ the site specified) for how long or other such phrases. You'll see a number of people say they hadn't had contact for months or even years, then boom S reappears and wants contact. I'm not saying yours will, but lack of contact doesn't mean it will continue to be that way and that you won't get your chance to show her the new you at some point.
Good luck.
Me: 50 W:43 S6, S3 M: 12 yrs. T: 17 M is bad & Not happy Bomb Mar '14 S 5 Feb '15 D Bomb 13 Apr '15 (but "no hurry") DB Coach May '15 Wants proceed on D Aug '15 Starting 1-on-1 negotiations Sept '15
I'm just so confused , and I thought the letter would finally give her my thoughts on everything since I never got to sit down with her and tell her since she moved so swiftly and in a cold manner.
Me:35 W:30 7 years together 11 months married No children W Left me-moved to her moms: June 2015 W filed for D: July 2015
Yes. Just writing it will help you process it. Sharing it with us can help you process it and make it less powerful. I still will advise don't send it.
I've written a number of letters since DB, and stuck them in a box. Really reduced the urge after I wrote them. I don't know if I will ever let her read any of them. I certainly know I'm not interested in sending any of them in the near future. After a bit of time, you'll be able to judge whether the letter was what you really wanted to say or helpful. Then decide.
Me: 50 W:43 S6, S3 M: 12 yrs. T: 17 M is bad & Not happy Bomb Mar '14 S 5 Feb '15 D Bomb 13 Apr '15 (but "no hurry") DB Coach May '15 Wants proceed on D Aug '15 Starting 1-on-1 negotiations Sept '15
You're getting good advice here Aj, from two guys that know their stuff.
Ask yourself this - are you writing the letter for her or for you? If it's for her, has she asked you for your thoughts on everything? If not, then it's for you.
Definitely write it. Post here if you're going to send it, and if not, just hold on to it for a bit. I've done the same and now how powerful it is to get all of those thoughts out of my head and onto paper. That being said, I'm very glad I didn't send them now.
M 39 W 36 T5 M3 BD - 1/15 Separated - Same Day Served 9/15 D finalized 6/17
Thanks for all the advice everyone . As for the letter it's more pvt and don't want to post it here , but it basically says I accept her decision even though I don't want the D. Explains to her how much I love her and how much she means to me, took her for granted , didn't say my love enough to her , and owned up to all I did that led her to leave me, and apologized for it. I tell her how she'll always be my soulmate , how I will miss her and her family and how I understand I have to move on w/out my "rock" and thank her for all she gave me through our 7 years together and she's forever my love and I'm proud of all she's achieved .
I'm writing this letter for her to finally hear me , never got the chance and I want her to know ? I figure this will at least give her the idea of how much I love her and how I didn't want the divorce
Last edited by Aj8; 08/08/1512:38 AM.
Me:35 W:30 7 years together 11 months married No children W Left me-moved to her moms: June 2015 W filed for D: July 2015
I still say don't send it. I believe you feel this is "going all in". You're pushing your last chips into the center in a take it or leave it, last ditch effort to convince her to change her mind. I'm guessing she won't. Then what? You've basically undone all the progress you made over the past few months.
But that's just my opinion.
In your mind, if she doesn't change her mind after this letter, are you assuming that it means you're done for good and it's time to move to the next girl?
