What's the rush to get into your next relationship Beagely? Why not let this one run it's full course, take along break to just be with yourself, heal from this loss, gather your strength, learn a bit about what you like and don't like and then start that next chapter.
Usually the rush to find a new relationship is just a bandaid on the wound that's causing you so much hurt right now. Don't fool yourself, you're not ready to even begin thinking about a new relationship.
Think of putting a pretty little bandaid on top of a shotgun wound to the chest. Sure it's nice to look at, even feels good to touch and be out in town with, but it's not going to help. You'll just end up bleeding right through it.
Sorry to be graphic, but slow down my friend. Azzork is the master at asking good questions. Think about each one for a few days. He's spot on.
M 39 W 36 T5 M3 BD - 1/15 Separated - Same Day Served 9/15 D finalized 6/17
If I am blunt I'd be able to get on with my next relationship unencumbered by a marriage.
Do you believe if you were divorced right this second that you would be "unencumbered" by your relationship with your Wife? Paraphrasing Cadet, it's not fair to anyone to start a new relationship until you're done with this one. The physical and legal act of DIVORCE doesn't really signal the end of this relationship...unless you want it to be. Yeah, legally, I guess it does, but that's not so important, huh -- you're W is in a new relationship now and you aren't even filed to be divorced, right?
If you have some physical, emotional, or financial reason to file for divorce, go ahead and file. But if your goal is to save your marriage, I don't see the benefit.
And PigPen - I'm not the master of anything. Everything I know has come from others who walked this path before me.
I was rushing ahead of myself forgetting that if I did not go through the process naturally i wouldn't gain anything or it might even make things worse for me.
Am back to steady as things go, doing nothing rash (mainly nothing at all), remaining focussed on goals and not trying to fix anything, what a liberating feeling!
- Nobody has ever learnt anything important from happiness and success; problems make us grow - Consult your plan, not your feelings - If you haven't set goals, how can you expect to achieve anything?
I like that name, you appear energetic and enthusiastic, and a lets get on with it style someone who wants to chase and have the dream today. Have the ball, bone and treats now.
This DB is a journey not a destination. It is about enormous change, exceptional growth, essential learning and personal development, about self love and understanding. It is acceptance, it is a journey for life. How do you know where you are now? At the end of your life you will look back and know, those were my first baby steps to becoming.
At that point you will reflect back:
In doing my discovery journey I sought became a full human being (not doing), the best father and understanding man with a spiritual higher power. I was asleep until then. I did that which worked for me and my children. It was the very best I could do. I walked my path, at crossroads I took the best road and not just the easy one. I have had an interesting, energised life.
That I believe.
V
Last edited by Vanilla; 08/05/1501:25 PM.
Freedom is just another word for nothing left to loose. V 64, WAW
You are right I am a go getter wanting it all now and to a certain extent, at the risk of appearing arrogant, it's what I usually (most often) get.
This journey is teaching me that there are other ways and that letting things just be as they are is equally, if not more, important and valuable than my previous approach.
Not going to take a back seat in life, but am going to keep an eye on me to watch I'm not hard on the gas pedal all of the time.
- Nobody has ever learnt anything important from happiness and success; problems make us grow - Consult your plan, not your feelings - If you haven't set goals, how can you expect to achieve anything?
I am very happy atm, everything feels good and I'm appreciating everything, where I live the people around me and the things I'm now involved in. Sometimes I wonder if it's all going to come crashing down but I'm using Mindfulness Meditation to break away from those thought process and it works brilliantly.
I feel almost bullet proof and that I can take on pretty much anything that comes my way, there will be a test of that at some point, but I'll enjoy how things feel for now and see where that takes me.
My relationship with my grown up kids is really good to, they are going from strength to strength in their personal lives and it's great to be a cheerleader, willing them onwards and upwards. There was a time when they acted like a parent to me but now we are back to adults enjoying each other for the richness we bring to one another's lives.
- Nobody has ever learnt anything important from happiness and success; problems make us grow - Consult your plan, not your feelings - If you haven't set goals, how can you expect to achieve anything?
Thank you PP, I will and you are right, time is the key.
- Nobody has ever learnt anything important from happiness and success; problems make us grow - Consult your plan, not your feelings - If you haven't set goals, how can you expect to achieve anything?
There was a time when I couldn't bear listening to the radio or any of my music as I was so scared that a track would come up that really "hurt" as it echoed how I felt or led me down a dark path.
When I was on vacation with my kids, Tainted Love by Soft Cell came on the radio not once but 3 times in a row (a different artist each time). I didn't react as there were others in the car but it was tearing me apart inside. Why I didn't just change channel I'll never know, probably a part of the powerlessness I was feeling at the time.
Recently, I've been brave enough to get back to listening to music from any source and am finding songs that are giving me strength and helping me in many ways. Does anyone have any tracks that have and are still help them? My current fav' is Rise by Gabrielle.
- Nobody has ever learnt anything important from happiness and success; problems make us grow - Consult your plan, not your feelings - If you haven't set goals, how can you expect to achieve anything?
