I definitely understand there is a cycle where he comes closer for longer. Then he distances for a bit, but not as much as he used to. Then he comes even closer and for longer. Then back to a weaker distancing. So hard not to watch when he lives here.
Some of the conversations lately have been quite interesting.
He leaves his phone out and about now. He swears that he never had EA/PA but that in the last few months he has started to notice women more. He says it is an uncomfortable feeling and he wants to squash it. I validated and said I know I created a void during my depression. Thanked him for sharing. I felt very calm and detached. Can't believe my H is telling me he notices attractive women and I am just listening. That is a big change for me! But, still, this was a light admission given some of the past doozies!
He left the room the other day and his phone was near me. When he returned he said kindly: if you want to look at my phone just ask. I said: ok, but I didn't look at your phone (and I really didn't). He said it was lit up when he returned. I shrugged and swore I did not look. Then I told him I don't want to spy on him as that is no way for me to live and I meant it. (He already walked out on the M and I suffered greatly with that. I don't need to create more torture for myself unnecessarily by checking up on him. But I did not say any of that.). He said he believed me and the night went on peacefully. No circular drama and that was a nice change from previous interactions too.
I did not feel like I had to convince him that I did not look at his phone. That felt great! Sounds minor but for me it's huge.
Me 41, H 47, M 15 yrs, S11, S13 BD 1: 11/4/14 we work on it; really I pretzel myself BD 2: 3/31/15 H goes down to "dorm room" 8/15: H back to MBR 10/15: H back in dorm room 1/18: H files, now divorced
