Hey CaliGuy, how long did it take for you to begin to feel the detachment?
i have no contact with my W at all right now, but i think about her every ten seconds it feels like.
I went to another dance thing tonight as a GAL 180 but i just can't stop thinking about her all the time. no other women are pretty, everyone else has something wrong with them but her. etc. etc.
i pray to accept this and for her to be happy but i break down and sob almost every time.
what worked for you to detach? did anything work really well?
714
Thats a good question, truthfully I do not know if I ever felt totally 'free' if you know what I mean .... and definitely it was not a "On April 4th I detached 100%" type thing. You do not just go from 0 to 100% in a day.... its a gradual process and it takes time .. and WORK. I chalked this up to 24 years together ... even apart I felt her on some level.
Slowly her spew sessions did not effect me. Her puppy dog eyes no longer melted me. I did not feel an urge to help her. I hit a point I wanted off the roller coaster and free from the pain and finally believed I deserved better, I looked at myself in the mirror and liked who was looking back, I stood tall knowing I did all I could and ... well ... sometimes that was not enough. I was ok with it all to be honest, I knew that I would be just fine without her.
That's when I feel like I detached to a point I was no longer a LBH ... I was just me. This was Nov 14, so about a year after BD for me. Some are better at this and can pull it off faster .. again .. its a gradual process, we are the ones still wanting the M and feel like hanging on to some level is the way back, I can tell you after going through this .. its not.
What worked early ... I declared my W was a science project, I would track things, what got a good response, or bad .. I tracked good and bad days along with the volume of contact and watched for trends ... even took her PMS cycle into account ... YES I did these things. But doing that removed the emotion for me ... that helped.
Later on.. I was done with the hurt, the pain, I was ready for the next chapter. In my sitch it just so happened to be Holiday season, I decided new traditions ... if this was my life so be it. I did not invite W, in fact .... I was clear she was not invited.
Its tough, but you have to be strong and act as if ... its like .. ok so you just served me a chit sandwich .. fine, not what I wanted but I will not break, I will be fine in-spite of all this ... heck not fine, I will be even better, just watch.
