Hello my friends, have some gossips to tell you that sounds really awkward in my humble opinion.
But first, thanks Jim... I am trying to find some balance and peace, I say trying because even feeling a bit easy I have a crazy nature in myself, so I am always on the move. So, if you know what I mean, I never give myself too much time and space to get that introspection. Maybe I need to try some meditation and learn how to be a little slow.
Bob723... thanks for your nice words and the prayer, it is very powerful and true.
PT33... Keep doing the hard work for the M and for yourself, you will too find out that what it is said in these boards by so many before us, is just the real truth. No matter what happens, if you put the right and hard work, you will become a better person and things will not feel so bad after all. Believe, I am not in a hole, much less at the bottom of it.
And of course, my lovely sweet RD...you are the best part of this whole divorce. The idea of meeting in London could actually be a great one. S17 wants to go back there (and if possible never come back to US).
Can you picture us going Put to Put until we can't walk no more and just laugh our hearts out fixing all the problems in the world? It would be the best day of our lives.
About that bike, we will see. I want to save as much as I can now because I need to have at least a year security for all my monthly expenses. I am pretty good with finances, so it won't take too long.
And I like a lot being some "Sherlock Holmes"... I always find all the info I want.
Now, the gossip: XMIL called me yesterday. First she said that she was very sorry about the whole thing and that I should never forget that I will always be part of her family and that she loves me a lot no matter what. I said thank you and said that I will always keep in touch.
The she start saying that she shouldn't say but that XH is going to France, to visit and stay with his brother. I said well, it was expected since now he has the D papers in his hand.
She said: well, I shouldn't be saying this to you but I won't say much more then that he told me he is not with her anymore for awhile ago and that there was some issues about something he found out regarding her trip to Germany. And that he is going to France to put a formal end to their kind of R.
I said that I have no idea of XH plans and to tell the truth it is not much of my business anymore. She said that XH is confused and feeling really miserable. I told her that it is very painful for me to realize that he is willing to be miserable, ruin himself financially, all this to just get rid of me.
She said that things are not exactly the way I am thinking and that XH does not think like that. She then said that she would like to give me an advice and that she knows I can take it or not, but she would like to tell me anyway.
She said that if XH comes back that I should not open the door for him ant take him back with my arms open. She said that if possible that I should tell him that there won't be a reconciliation unless he goes to counseling.
I told her I agree with it, but that is not the case since we just got the big D a day before. I told her that I really do not know where my heart will be in a few months from now, but I do not want to live my life with the illusion that someone will love me again.
She said she understands and really shouldn't be saying all this to me but she feels that she needs to since XH is starting to taste his own mess. She told me she is talking frequently with him and that I have no idea that things are very different then the way I understand and feel because I am very hurt.
We end up the conversation in good terms, she is a good person in a way, besides being MIL. I know she likes me. But, maybe she is also going nuts. Here comes the 2 x 4s but I will write it anyway... WHY DID SHE SAY ALL THIS TO ME, RIGHT AFTER THE D?
I am not very sure if I am the crazy one, including all of you too, or is XH and his family all nuts. Or maybe there is a campaign to drive me insane somehow.
Well, I am not doing anything about and I am trying do not think about, but, I am human, and it bothers me that I still give mental space to think why she said this and why he is saying all this to her? What is the point in all of this? What is really going on with XH?
Hope everyone is OK. And please, you can send all the 2 x 4s I deserve, critical comments, whatever it is I am sure it will help to get my brain straight.
