This is exhausting part 4

[Kembo05]

So I made a judgment call and went ahead and said something to her about knowing about PA. I don't know why it was eating at me, but it just felt like an elephant on my chest. She obviously didn't say much and I kept it pretty short and simple. I wasn't trying to make her feel guilty or shame her I just wanted her to know that I knew. I honestly don't think she knew that I knew so I think it kind of blindsided her, but for me it was important to let that be known. I think she could have gone on for the rest of her life lying to me about it and also being OK with that information being hidden.

The hard part for me now is being cordial to her. I'm not rude or hateful. I just don't want to see or talk to her at all. Which is impossible because of our D2. I just can't believe the destruction and pain she has caused and the complete selfishness
I don't dwell on it, but from time to time I think about her she has shown throughout this whole ordeal. I try to have a PMA and honestly I am doing OK I just don't want to come across to her as being upset, sad, disappointed, or angry. I want her to see me happy, even if I am faking it when she is around. Any advice from anyone?

I don't dwell on it but I think from time to time about her partially blaming me for some of this. I know I was never a perfect husband but I take zero blame for her stooping this low. Sorry, just had to vent a little bit there.