^^ that right there is the key to being truly heard. We all have an intrinsic need to be heard by loved ones...especially the spouse because it is the glue that really bonds a couple at the emotional level. It seems that, from what W said up there, that you two have had some Bickerson's bickering in the M relationship....true? If you say "yes", then I'd suggest that you find better ways of communicating that is respectful and honors the other person's point of view.
I feel like we had many calm conversations over the years. Of course, we also had many that spiraled out of control - hence her comment. In this past year (that i have been in counseling) things improved greatly, but in my thread i mention how it seemed as though as i got better and more able to speak calmly, she was the one who went more out of control. Then she associated me with her anger and losing control and said i bring out the worst in her.
Even now the few times she's called it feels like she is baiting to try and get an argument going. My IC said it seems like arguing or being upset was where the balance of communication was, and that by me being calm she is moved off center and doesn't know how to react. Thus she gets angrier and angrier as I try to validate her feelings.
and my comments about 'magic cures' and 'silver bullets' wasn't about DB or DR techniques. I know I'm not trying to trick her back into liking me and that the GALing is for my benefit. It was more about ways to behave in the mediation meeting I had on that Monday. I was just hoping for ideas or stories that other people used in their situation.
But thank you for the reply Wonka, as always it is greatly appreciated.
M36,W34 T18 years M9 years D3,D6 W "doesn't want to be married anymore"6/14/15 ILYBNILWY6/2015 W moves to parents house 6/30/15 W removes wedding band 7/3/15 My ring back on 8/8/15 Served 8/11/2015.
