PP's New Adventure (5) - Filing & Moving Forward

[25yearsmlc]

Thank you everyone for your encouragement and support. Today is a mixed blessing kind of day, as it seems so much of DB'ing is.

On one hand I haven't had 200 days of sobriety since I took my first drink in fifth grade. My addictions were always managed well until I got married oddly enough. That's when they really blossomed. I'm glad this monkey is off of my back and although there is still work ahead for me, a lifetime of it, the feeling I have now is one I've wanted for many years. I miss having beers with my friends. However, that is nothing in comparison to how much I love waking up with a clear head and a healthy self esteem.

Amen brother, amen. I salute this HUGE leap forward into living your life more fully.

There may be moments when you question your choice to be sober, if only briefly.

(This is an issue of great importance to me but I don't want to go off on too much of a tangent.)

Suffice to say that if you do have those moments when you think that your life would be better as an alcoholic or that it's just not ever going to be FUN to be sober, Stop...don't believe the lie.

(& Please call your sponsor! And come here to think through any desire to drink that might arise.
THINKING it out ---, like how you'll feel the next day IF something really bad happens when you drink, OR how you'd feel if you ran into your wife while buzzing around

OR how you'd feel even IF nothing terrible happens while drinking, but your 200+ days had to be reset, well that Thinking-it-through, can stop a lot of desire).

Again, I salute your feat. It's incredibly difficult. Stay on track.


Today was a good day in that regard.

It was also a tough day as I missed my W, every bit of her. I still miss my W daily, it's just not at with the same intensity.

^^^ Sounds pretty typical of a healthy, growing detachment.


I still believe that we could come together and create the M we always talked about and were so close to having.

I believe you. Truly. And I also believe that YOU, Pigpen, can have a great marriage with your next spouse, regardless of whether it's your present wife...


I'm sure so many of us can look back and point out all of the stressors outside of our M that were complicit in creating stress and troubles that broke it down. But, life will never be without stressors. I write that as someone without kids too, so I on some level I have no idea what stress really is.

The priest who married h & me, once told us that he did "Not care how much conflict" we had, "because life throws more curve balls at some couples",

but he did care HOW we resolved those conflicts.

So yes, there will always be stressors in life, sometimes a whole damn lot!

But HOW you two approach and work through those stressors and resolve issues about which you two do Not agree, that's the test of marriage that can be the most challenging.


DB'ing is still teaching me that by changing who I am, the stressors will be handled in a productive manner. Communication, LL's, empathy, detachment, are all aspects of my M that I thought I understood, but did not.

^^^^^

It's such a challenge to look back and know just how unconscious I was living and how many tools I simply didn't have.

^^Coupled with your newly recovered sobriety, how AWAKE you must feel!


Wonka, thank you for taking the time to write that email for me. I wasn't sure I had it in me to spend four days composing it down to an acceptable form myself. Truly you have one of my best hugs on the back shelf waiting for you if we are ever to meet.

To kind of quote another poster that I read on here today, "What a terrible place to meet so many wonderful and supportive people."

^^ This is why I still post here. Great place to be for a lousy reason.

Many people, most of whom I'll never meet, made a difference to me at a very dark time in my life. Then, I could not reach out to my children about this, and frankly, my family was tired of hearing about my Marital travails.

THIS SITE is where I came to climb my mountain. Here, I truly came to rely on (Blanche Dubois!!) "The kindness of strangers" & they guided & supported me on the hardest, best journey of my life.

I'm grateful for many things tonight DB'ers, my email to my W isn't one of them, but now I can see that it's just one piece in a big, beautiful puzzle.

Peace to you all tonight.

PP

Right back at your PP and please please DO keep us posted on things.

Again, congratulations on your sobriety. Do something FUN or go get your laugh on and see some comedy. Remind yourself of how great it is to laugh easily, often and hard.

If you stay on your path, becoming the best version of you that you can,
you're destined to live a life of love, giving and receiving it.

((( )))